Assigned reading

Grace was in some sort of Facebook internet trance the other day when she asks me the question, "When did your mom die?"

"What? Why?
I don't know 2002 no, 2003"


"Oh nothing never mind."


"Wait, no I guess 2004 right?"


To tell the truth I don't remember the exact date, not even the exact year. Anyway, she found some Catholic book from a local writer that dedicated it to Dolly Peters, and she just thought it was weird.

Anyway,  I find it difficult to belief that Grace suddenly just had the urge to look up Catholic literature on the internet. In fact my first reaction was, "I think you misunderstand why I'm going back to the Catholic Church. I don't want to be like that Catholic. It's just that I was baptized and my ancestors were Catholic and I can stomach the religion now because there are a lot of Pagan elements to it, and I think the Sacraments will be good rites of passage. Why are you looking up books on how to be Catholic?"

Then as I went about cleaning some memories did surface.

 The truth is there was this guy who had been visiting my mother and who I think who stopped by the house after she died. I didn't invite him in, as he caught me downstairs and I was on auto pilot. Not that this has been left to stew for a few days I think he did mention something about a book and dedication. He also had some other books that he passed to me that my mom said I would reaa. Something about the Chinese originally being Monotheists because Tian (heaven) use to be written with a head on it and therefore it was really god. I remember brishing them off. I kind of brushed him off. Not exactly like that but I just didn't know exactly how I should talk with him. What does one say? I appreciated his visit and appreciated that he was visiting my mom often. In a way, I felt that he knew her in a way that I didn't because in the last weeks, days of her life, I felt that we didn't really know each other at all. He mentioned that he loved her, and I didn't feel awkward about that statement though I could imagine that it might be awkward. She was so sick at that point and the vibe I got from him was that priestly sort of Jesus loving type of thing. But that kind of love i still something I just nod my head at, even though I am planning on going back to the Catholic Church. A type of love I might meditate on, but not one that I express openly, talk about, or express. In a lot of ways characters like Odin still ring more true to me then characters like Jesus. And Yi hei type of love of Kwan Gung I understand and truth be told, I think historic Jesus was talking more about that kind of love. But Christ and Buddha and Thich Nhaht Hanh bring out this other love often. I'm not saying it makes me uncomfortable. Maybe mildly.
I'm just saying I wasn't overly awkward when this man brought it up. But I also didn't know what else to do but nod to acknowledge him and then I think I went somewhere I had to go. It was a brief meeting. I can't exactly remember his face. In fact I later attributed that meeting to some other white guy who also knew my mom but now I can't be sure and when I Googled the author Grace seemed to conjure on the internet it confused things more to see that this author and the other guy looked similar but were obviously a different person.

One would think that being contacted by the other side is an emotional thing. My main emotion tends to be aggravation and annoyance. I always watch these people on TV talking to their loved ones who have passed and real or fake they always tear up and all that.
When I had dreams where my mother appeared, in my dream I tended to ignore her. Or when I didn't, she tended to send me to get paperwork of some sort and the whole thing was more of a hassle. And even now, I think it is true that she is contacting me somehow through Grace and giving assigned reading. Now in life when she tried to get me to read stuff I tended to ignore her. Take those religious books that guy had for instance. For some reason it's more difficult to ignore someone who is dead. And the truth is, most of the stuff that she had asked me to read I eventually did read, although again, it was after she had died that I ended up reading it.

So now I have put a hold on a book by Paul Wilkes, specifically the one he dedicated to Dolly Peters, who may or may not be my mother (I think it is) and have to see what this is about.