The mending wall

Robert Frost wrote about a mending wall. I haven't read the poem since middle school so I haven't seen whether maybe there is some dark satire in the poem, so I'm just going to take the idea as is. That you need some separation from your neighbors to be good neighbors. I will have to say the same is true of family.
Maybe I don't spend a lot of time with Grace. But what she doesn't get is that I spend all day with Jonah. All his testing and constant need for attention. And I need some time where I am not the person having to give everyone their attention. And today we did that. Grace took the kids to Costco and I went to Church, where I just sat their taking my dose of opiate of the masses. I really did need some of that prescription. It works similar to my controlled psychological breakdown or Kung Fu rituals (not the same, but similar) with the added benefit that you can do this group prayer thing in public, everyone else is doing it, and nobody thinks anyone is crazy for doing it. In fact it is what you are "supposed" to be doing. Furthermore you are supposed to actually believe in Magic, God, Supernatural powers while you are doing this, and the whole time, again, nobody there thinks you are crazy because that's what the building and the organization was built for.
I needed that and I needed it without Noah crawling everywhere.

Plus there is the sermon. Which today (a day when there were a bunch of confirmations) was about God noticing the hard work and sacrifice you put in, and how hard it is to be a parent and what not. Ding ding ding. I needed to hear that. And actually at first I was like, "bullshit" at the notion that there is a supreme being that notices my work that I put in (which is mostly just patience and taking (trying to take) insult and disrespect without losing my temper) which finally I did lose anyway. But then I thought, "wait, I came here to a Church. And that's what I need. To believe that God is taking notice whether it is true or not."
Plus whenever they bring up Jesus's preaching about sinning in your heart I know all about that, and it is good to hear about Jesus in a calm way acknowledging that there was a lot of pent up hate in me building up and not going anywhere. And then the preaching about love. Have I been loving Grace in my mind? And that loving your neighbor (wife family children) not only as yourself, but Jesus was saying that you should love them the way he loved us. (Not historical Jesus now. The story, true or not.) The love of a God sacrificing himself for us out of love.

Oh yeah.

If Jesus can take that brutality, I can handle a few slights and disrespectful tones and still love the person doing it.

Now, to try and do this all the time, is not only not easy, it will also lead you to have a break down (a real one) most likely. That's why you need that weekly shot in the arm where you just sit there in Church (in the dark, just like the woods) and close your eyes, listen to the priest doing the bell thing, smell the incense, and if you can get communion. (which I can't) and go to confession (which I can't.)

Well Grace is back. Time to get the groceries out of the car.