Frightening Fours

Today me and Jonah visited many playgrounds. First was tot lot, where he played for a bit and I read my book even after I heard screaming whcih sounded like it was coming from Noah (who wasn't there) and upon looking at Jonah, he appeared to be happily waiting to get on the see saw. Then I saw that in fact the screaming was coming from a boy already on the see saw. He was yelling nasty things at Jonah and excluding everyone from the see saw. A girl played Bonnie to his Clyde. His justification for why only they could ride the see saw was he was four years old. Noah is also four years old. I sort of stepped in at one point, only to put Jonah on one of the extra seats and sit with him and telling Jonah he could play whatever he wanted.
They could play what they wanted, but so could he.

Would you believe it? This kid started calling my names and telling me I couldn't sit on the see saw. Usually the parent would step in by this time but they were clearly occupied, perhaps by another child or maybe just doing their thing the way I do.

"I bet your mom wouldn't like it if she knew you were acting like this."
"She can't hear me."
"Yeah but I bet she wouldn't like that you weren't being nice."
"Mom! Nope she can't hear me."

Whatever.

I took Jonah to the swings and said we would wait for the see-saw to free up. The kid kept calling me names, so I told Jonah that we didn't have to listen to people like that. It occurred to me that in real life, we Do listen to people like that. They are the Sharks, the Big Business, the Governments of the world. Taking this and that and saying that we can't have it because insert reason X.

At some point the boy got off the see saw and I hurried with Jonah to get the seat.

We made it there. But then that kid tried to come back and push Jonah off the See Saw While I was holding him.

Now Noah does this stuff with me. But I'm his Father. I thought he only dared do that sort of thing with me because he felt comfortable enough that, being his father, I wouldn't eat him like a demon in a children's story.

Oh wait, they have edited all those demons in children's stories to make them less scary. And I guess I give off that "safe cuddly Dad" vibe to everyone now. Which means children think they don't have to listen to me.

When I was teaching other people's kids Kung Fu in my 20's kids would listen to me. When they tried something like this, well the Kung Fu school was just starting to teach kids back then and I only ever hadone kids (who was not even a student) pull something like this because he was visiting from the suburbs where he probably had exposure to more males like the one I have become.

 I pulled a more clannish gang warfare type worldview out and he got right in line.


That is not what I did at the playground.

I simply listed all the things the boy had done that were wrong that I had chosen to overlook, and explained that I was about to not overlook this last one and that I would find his mother. His mother had already started walking over and brought him to give him a time out. He yelled at her too, much the same way Noah would yell at me. Everyone talks about terrible twos. Clearly there is some sort of Four year old issue.

Guess what. Every single kid in the playground now came over to the see saw because everyone had been waiting for that kid to get off.


I set up a twenty times rule. Twenty times and then we had to rotate. Bonnie was still not rotating.
Then Clyde comes back and starts flipping out that he wanted his seat, which was not occupied but a child other than Jonah and Jonah was waiting his turn. I tried to explain the twenty times rule and that his next turn would be in his accomplice's seat because she had already gotten three turns and hadn't given up her seat yet.

A couple of teachers were cracking up at Clyde's tantrum.

Turned against each other, there was a pause between Bonnie and Clyde. Then Jonah ran off to do something else.

"Okay you guys are going to have to figure it out. I have to go watch my son."

As I followed Jonah around another mom actually came over and congratulated me for standing up to a four year old bully. This sounds silly, but seriously what are you supposed to do in a situation like that? The kid has to be dealt with, but he's not your kid and he is also only four. If he were ten you could be a little more firm. If he were 13 you would probably call the police if reason didn't work. Which is why reason usually does work for kids as they get older. They understand potential consequences.


Of course adults don't block see saws. But they do bully in other ways. Like building a highway right through your neighborhood of non white people. And then they turn the law on you if you flip out. Or if you don't flip out, they make it look like you did.


So I guess we never really outgrow that stage as humans. But at four it seems to be the strongest. And that's where you have to learn you limits or learn why your not supposed to act like that (or learn that it in fact benefits you to act like that since nobody is putting you in check)

Well in the upcoming weeks, Noah will be spending a lot of time at the tot lot. So I will be able to see if he acts like that boy did around other people too. Or, maybe when there are more people like that around their ambitions cancel each other out. We'll see.