Race relations for four year olds

Ever since we watched "The Butler" in front of Noah, I think he has come to the realization that there are black people. Maybe from learning about Martin Luther King as well. What I mean is, that last year when his teacher Ms. Harriet is a black woman, Noah did not know that there was any sort of racial difference between her and himself. In fact since she spoke more Chinese than he did, she might as well be Chinese. I'm not saying he has never heard racial differentiation or even racial slurs. It's just that he has only heard these in Chinese. (not from me. But some of the older Chinese generation doesn't hold back even when they are talking about me to me.)  i.e. Black people are Hak Gwai (which is a slur meaning black ghost) and White people are Bak Gwai (which is a slur meaning white ghost) Whether or not he understood what this meant or not I'm not sure. He doesn't really understand Chinese at all. Jonah has already been called out on his "bak gwai-ness" and was actually in tears one time. But I didn't comfort him, because that's life... in fact that's my life. But I still think Jonah doesn't differentiate yet because he will see pictures of black babies or asian babies and say, "That's me!" An I'll say, "Yeah that's just like you!" Cause it is more like him than not like him.


Anyway, Noah now knows there is a difference but not that there is anything wrong with differentiating publicly. Today he said, (pretty loudly) "Baba, why is there a lot of black people on the train and only one white people on the train?" This wasn't exactly the make up of the train but whatever, the question was loud, and I didn't really know how to answer it or more accurately deal with it.
"What?"
 I said stalling.
So he asked the question again louder.
Now I know a lot of white people that would probably try to shush there child at this point or say that isn't polite or whatever. But I don't want to be that white person. That white person that is afraid of being seen as racist and so shushes any conversation about race immediately. But there was something wrong with what Noah said. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I tried to chnage the subject slightly by asking him if he was white. He answered that he was. I asked him if he was sure. And then I started to explain to him that most people looking at him would say he is Chinese and not white.
"No I'm only Chinese at school." said Noah. So maybe he doesn't really understand race at all if he thinks you are one race in one area and another race in another area..... well actually...

Anyway, people were looking at me of course by now. Across from me sat two Black women who were actually discussing my discussion among themselves. I didn't catch all of it but what I did catch this.


The younger woman said (laughing) that that little boy just said xyz.

The older woman stared hard at Noah like she was very angry and said, "That's not nice." but not loud enough that her words could really reach across the aisle and touch us. It was more by chance that I over heard.

"Why?" said the younger woman, "He didn't say anything wrong he just said..."
Anyway as Noah's conversation turned toward other things like pooing and what not this younger woman continued to laugh and repeat what he said. And although what Noah said wasn't politically correct or comfortable, it wasn't exactly wrong. It was a question. If he had asked about blond haired people vs. black haired people or people wearing red boots vs. people wearing green boots there wouldn't be anything wrong with the question. In a non racist world there wasn't exactly anything wrong with the question. But there was something wrong with the question as it stood. So much so that people were arching their necks to get a look at the guys face whose kid said that. But not wrong enough for anyone to step forward and castigate me. Even though the car was mostly black and Hispanic. An older man further away was shaking his head. I almost wanted someone to say something to give me a hint as to how I should go about discussing this. But I couldn't. Then Noah pointed at the black people sitting across from us and said, "see there are more black people."
"We're all human Shao." I said which is a squishy answer for squishy people. Sure it's great on one of those facebook pictures with words calling for world peace. But saying Black people doesn't imply that they aren't people. So in a way my answer is almost more racist than Noah's question. He is simply pointing out a difference.

So what was wrong with the question.


It took me a quarter of the way walking down Center Street to figure it out.


"Noah if someone on the bus saw you and said look there's a Chinese boy. Would you like that or not?"

".....not."



And then later I said.

"Noah, I think you hurt that black woman's feelings when you pointed at her and said she was black. Do you know that?"

"Yes."

"It's not nice to hurt people's feelings."

Because basically that's the only thing I see wrong with the question. I want Noah to be afraid of hurting people's feelings. But I don't want Noah to be afraid of people thinking he is racist.

What does that mean? I think that conversation is so complicated it needs a different post.


And finally when we later went sledding I think I figured out Noah's question.

The short answer to, "How come there are more black people on the train than white people." would be, "because there are." It's like asking why are there 13 people on the train, or why some other sort of arbitrary question. But Noah is four. What is he really asking.

It could be, " How come I only see a lot of black people on the train?" As in Why don't I see a lot of black people at school? I see some but not a lot. Why don't I see a lot of black people at the playground. I see some but not a lot. Why don't I see a lot of black people sledding? I see some but not a lot.

Or even,

Why do I see a lot of black people get on at this stop?


Well that's a question that is a little more complicated than one answer too isn't it?

Well anyway, a majority of people in that car probably think I wear sheets at home. Not that I care. I don't know them. In fact I wished that there had been some sort of militant black activist on the train so that he could have answered Noah's question better or at least started a conversation about it. Or at least a professor of African American history... something. And then I realized I have come to a point in my life where I have virtually no black friends. I have some black Facebook friends. And well I don't have that many friends anyway, not that I actually hang out with. There are Grace's old friends and then my old friends, none of whom I actually hang out with on a regular basis. Anyway I'm going to have to call upon some of mentors/ facebook friends to deal with this one. I mean basically I live close to a very black neighborhood and yet Noah has no black playmates.  If he did, and he asked such a question in front of their parents, at least there would be a discussion or something. Something more that just looks and then me getting of the train at our stop. But what are they going to say? Maybe their waiting for me to say sorry. But again, the question by itself, isn't exactly wrong.