Thursday, September 21, 2017
I don't know exactly where I am going with this, other than that aide and favors can be harmful if carried out incorrectly. Or even if carried out correctly, but perceived wrong. What I am I to do with this information?
When I was a child I lived a cautious and nervous life. We were always afraid of getting kicked out of the section 8 apartment or of certain people finding out where we lived. It took me years to shed some of these fears. Fear if losing face or Ben th possibility of shunning or being a so oak pariah is deeply engrained in some cultures. At some point I started to recklessly cast away these beliefs.
Perhaps it may be time to revisit some of them with new eyes. Or not. I haven't decided.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
I do want to get that Kung Fu teaching gig in though. Paid gig and physically difficult would be preferable. Could use the 1 hour of a work out after work.
Missing some friends from Boston. Should be back up there soon but might not get a chance to visit really.
Friday, September 8, 2017
I was the worst at this, and only learned to smile and say Hi when I went to Prep school. Partly because the way Boston was.. Although smiling and creating small talk would have protected me, while simultaneously being guarded too of course, the approach of the teenage male tends to be more along the lines of, " don't bother me and I won't bother you."
I have found this approach to be flawed of course and regret that nobody was able to explain it to me as a man in my boyhood.
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Well I just put my kids on the bus. They'll be fine. I didn't ride the bus until 4th grade.
The driver looked nice.
The other kids looked nice.
When we went to the school everything looked nice.
Apparently there are o that children in the neighborhood so it seems quite possible that my children can have neighborhood playmates. Maybe a childhood seen on stranger things, minus the scary parts.
Well everything will be fine and more than fine. The house is getting clean and there are sections that are like little game rooms and clubhouse. The shoe room is like a little tree house. I can imagine the kids and their friends hanging out in there. We plan to redo the basement. Maybe we can have a punching back down there too.
The main living rooms will be open spaces good for doing homework or Yoga and of course there is the yard.
Sports and boy scouts and that sort of thing is popular here. And there is that Chinese school I can send them to, passing the buck on that responsibility.
Things are good and they will be even better.
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
I seriously think that the hoarding in the house is affecting my body and mind. So I decided even though the situation is temporary, that I am going to slowly clear away stuff that does need to be out, and put it i storage. Also I am not going to sleep in the rooms that are pretty m7ch still being used for storage. Why should I ha e to sleep next to boxes? That was my childhood but it doesn't have to be my adulthood.
Even getting rid of some of the food stuffs that might still be good technically but obviously hasn't been used in years helped with the overall feel of things.
Monday, September 4, 2017
Dude I am too young for this.
But actually this is not the first time I had Hemorrhoids. The first time that was super noticeable was like ten years ago, and I attributed to lifting weights. But thus time it's bad.
Like having to stick the little bullet up your butt now, which was more of an existential experience than one would think.
Humbling us the word. Especially with the knowledge that people gibthrough much more for exams or for fun.
Personally I flashed back to the old way ones temperature was take and I hated it.
But mostly what I thought about was Buddhism vs. Medieval Christianity.
In Buddhism one must accept change or suffer.
I should accept that my body is aging (more rapidly than my wife who is older) and understand that this is part of life, this bleeding out of one's butt.
Or I can think that this pain is sent by God to punish and purify me for my sins.
I'm kind of going with the second one here and the sin is obviously not eating enough vegetables and allowing Amah to make me feel bad for drinking water.
And the cute us going to be not prayer so mucha vengeful wrath upon the way of life that caused thus, because like I said I'm too young for this B.S.
All chips and cookies and expired foods are going in the trash. Eventually.
Because there us simply not enough room.
Fruits and vegetables.
And I gave to tend to this nastiness, which compared to some people's issues is pretty minor.
But if this hurts that much there is no way I am going to progress to have some ridiculous kind of pain when I am in my 50's.
Nor an I going to be ashamed to face it and even talk blog about it.
And let it be a lesson to my kids to eat their vegetables or suffer the consequences of butt hurting.
But mostly I am wondering, while I squat like an old man in a witch hazel solution, unable to get out of said squat without using my arms and the old lady handle bar on the Jacuzzi, a contraption that was created for adventures with hot naked women, not bleeding but hemorrhoids and pain....
How is THIS who I have become.
I am waiting like Simba for the clouds to part and for My case to scold me royally.
Only Simba's lifestyle at that point was awesome. Carefree hakuna matata wanderer. I mean he needs to face responsibility I guess. But he didn't have no hemorrhoids.
Seriously, I am taking this as a sign or some sort of test, but of what?
In any case pain does seem to have a spiritual side effect for me.