Lost in thought

Today I after teaching at little Panda I went shopping in Chinatown, like an old Chinese lady. In fact I saw some young workers stopping an old Chinese Lady who they suspected of shoplifting. It was pretty awkward. It turned out there was nothing in her purse after all.
After that I went to the closest bakery because Jonah had been trying to eat Little Panda's morning snack (chicken nuggets of some sort) so I thought he was hungry. I bought two siu mains and one bau lau bao at Mix Um Bakery. We ate it there while watching some sort of Chinese Period piece about warfare in one of the earlier Dynasties where the fighting resembled the Middle Ages in Europe, so probably B.C. time.

Jonah flipped out because he wanted a coffee just like all the other old Chinese men at the table. My father had actually taken me to this bakery all the time because he was friends with the owner, when I was Jonah's age, and the place hasn't changed much, except for the big TV screen. I looked at the altars and some of the statues. I haven't been in that place much because it's sort of out of the way for me. While I was sitting there, I thought about maybe joining some sort of Chinatown organizations. Maybe a family association. But the only one I could sort of get into is rather new and seems to not do anything but Mah Jong and it's on the same street as the Kung Fu school, which means if I'm there I might as well just go into the Kung Fu School. Maybe it's because I saw some of the better to do, family associations (which I cannot join because I have the wrong last name) and how it was cool to have an ancestral altar and some ritual traditions and all that, and wouldn't that be nice for my kids. Of course most of the associations have all these politics with them, but I don't care about that. I just want to bring my kids in and out so that they are like, "Yeah I know the ins and outs of Chinatown." The Kung Fu school used to be enough for me, but I guess I want several ties to the community now that I'm not living there. There's Chinese school. I guess we will do that at some point.
Then there is the Catholic Church, and I realized joining this organization would be like killing to half birds in one stone. What do I mean? Well I'd continue the traditions of my German Irish Polish ancestors by being Catholic, and also, the church is right near dim sum and is also, basically, a Chinatown association of it's own, with members who belong to other Chinatown associations.

Of course I've been reading a book about the earlier years of the Church and after reading the Nicean creed and flashing back to repeating those words in Middle School at Nativity and actually reading context behind them I was having second thoughts. All that in fighting even before the Church even got powerful. Plus I am reminded of why I found Christianity difficult to swallow in the first place. Why all the focus on one historical man. Making a guy Logos and having existed before time and then arguing about stuff that is impossible to prove.

But the modern Catholic Church must have moved beyond that right? I mean all the Catholic Universities teach Science so they must. I was supposed to have a conversation with the St. James priest before the baptism can be arranged but he hasn't really gotten back to me yet. I would be Buddhist, but Christmas (and all it's Pagan meanings) mean a lot to me. Also the Jesus idea is very important to me as well. And frankly Catholic stuff might not be part of my household upbringing, but it is part of my educational upbringing. So I am comfortable with priests because I have had good experiences with them. (and most people I know who left the Catholic Church left because they had very very bad experiences with priests)

Plus there is no such thing as mainstream American Buddhism. So any temple out there can be doing it's own thing. Like Gnostics or Manichaeists. Which is okay... if I am the leader of it. Plus there aren't any temples that are close by, and I don't know, a lot of the monks that I've met in Boston seem to be kind of off. Kind of like the early Christians (who the more I read are brave and all that, but also seem to be extremely annoying, seeking martyrdom instead of sacrificing to Roman gods. All that seems stupid. Do I have to really believe in it like that to be Catholic? Can't I just sort of play along and believe in Science? I mean don't most people. Most priests I talk to are pretty cool about differentiating between history, the Bible, the Church's beliefs and Scientific truth. But is that because they were talking to someone (me) who professed to have my own beliefs?

(I actually created my own religion in middle school which I thought was crazy but after studying some other religions in depth I realize my religion was actually pretty tame. I almost converted one kid but I couldn't keep a straight face, plus I sort of wanted to have my own religion by myself. But making other people believe in it was too much. I'd rather they made up Their own religion instead. You know what I mean?)

 Now I believe the real path to truth is the scientific method, or in spirituality or the spirit world or dream world (if you believe that the spirit world is just all in your head), Shamanism and self searching meditation is very important too. I'm not interested in religion because I am interested in Truth. For me religion is like an interactive fantasy with cozy feelings and social benefits with  ties to what your ancestors believed in and did. I guess there are other things that fill the space for this. Sports is one thing. Coffee houses, bakeries, and musical associations too I guess. Well I stopped by the Church to see if the Priest was there. He wasn't. So I went to the Kung Fu school. Jonah did some drawing and some drum playing and I did some Kung Fu. Then it was time to go home.