Jook Sing, Am I Chinese or American?

Yesterday I went to a BCNC workshop about raising bilingual children. It was in Mandarin again. Everyone was supposed to share about their first experiences outside of their native language. I thought I wouldn't share because my native language was English but people seemed curious so I did tell a little story about my Dad beating me and me not understanding what it was for and trying to get out of it by using Chinese but it not working. My group thought it was pretty funny.

Later on the parents started to share and ask questions about how they should answer their kids. Saying that their older children, who are more Americanized, are now always asking them if they are Chinese or American. And that all the nephews and kids that they've raised all understand Chinese, but refuse to speak it and what are they supposed to do about this etc. I just kept quiet because this didn't apply to the white guy. But then I looked around the room and realized that I was also the only Jook Sing, even if I was only half Jook Sing. And essentially these parents were asking questions that I could answer. Their kids, were still kids and were also THEIR kids so they might not be forthcoming about some language issues, But I am an adult and not related to them. I could answer their question so I raised my hand and told the presenter in English that I just wanted to say something to the parents. (in Cantonese)

"So I am Jook Sing... so I just want to late you know from the Jook Sing point of view why they might not speak to you in Chinese." heads nodded, "Now.. even right now as I talk in Chinese as I speak to you I speak as a child would speak because my Chinese isn't good enough. As an adult, or older child, why would someone want to put themselves in the weaker position? Say if I wanted to argue or yell at you, I wouldn't be able to argue or yell that well, but you would so you would have the advantage. So what do I do? I will switch to the language where I have the advantage and where you are disadvantaged.. English." They started laughing and nodding, "Just hear me out for a second.. if you want to have your kids feel comfortable speaking Chinese. then when they get something wrong or don't speak it don't be like, you're so stupid or acall them Ngau Jook Sing and all that'" and now I searched for examples, "Now I never had these experiences at my home because my mother was American.. but" I looked around the room and met eyes with some people that knew me pretty well. Let's just say I didn't have these experiences with blood relations, but pretty much I have been yelled at plenty in Chinese and had to try to explain myself without being able to. They started cracking up at my examples. Then I searched for some other ones I could be more specific about, I thought of adult Jook Sing's coming into the bank when I was a teller, "Now for insatnce when I worked out the bank, and a Jook Sing came in and saw a teller who was born in China, they would immediately speak in English and speak very quickly so that the teller would be flustered and squirm and they would enjoy it. Why? That teller didn't do anything to them. But they are taking revenge on their parents and grandparents for making them squirm when they could not respond or understand in Chinese." They were cracking up at that one but I searched for an experience of my own, "Or like when I went back to Hong Kong and tried to.."

"bargain?" someone piped in.

"That's right bargain... Failure..." laughing, "So from then on I only used English to bargain or talk about price. Because that way they were in a weaker position and would have to squirm painfully trying to find English words," and now they were laughing at my expressions because clearly I had enjoyed having the upper hand and watching the other person suffer.

But needless to say, basically at that moment they could have an insight into their kids minds, because in some ways (though not all because my mother spoke to me in English) I was their kids, or at least understood their thinking.

At the end the director shared some of her stories. She was not Jook SIng but actually born in HK but came over very young. And they were very interested in hearing from her too. Like, "So what would you have wanted your parents to do differently?" In other words, "How do we as parents do it right? Learn from others mistakes or hardships?" 

Most of my issues in this area were different from the other parents. I wasn't interested so much in "preserving the native tongue and culture." Because I see me and Grace's native culture and language as being American. But we would like to maintain a  connection with our ancestral language and culture, which is Chinese 75% for my kids. And just for educational and business reasons I would want them to learn Mandarin even  though that is not my language at all.