Robin Williams

When I was a kid Robin Williams was the epitome of what I wanted to grow up to be. A successful adult who hadn't grown up yet (or at least what I saw of him.) He was still a kid at heart, and so he was still cool. No, this was before I even used the word cool.
If he had just died, I guess that would be sad. But that it was a suicide is disturbing, and yet not surprising.
He wasn't young, I can't remember the last movie he did, and to hear that he was suffering with depression well a lot of people that are funny and successful have something going on under the surface.

But I guess since Robin Williams wasn't really a person to me, but more like a persona, a representation of childhood well at least my childhood, then it's as if under the surface of everything, every Peter Pan and Mrs. Doubtfire and every childhood memory and every success there is some sort of scary depression.

That movie he made where his wife had committed suicide and he travels through the afterlife to find her comes to mind, as does that depressing one where his son accidentally kills himself and he makes it look like a suicide too. I turned that movie off because I couldn't watch it. There was Bi Centenial Man. Actually even Jumanji, ALL of his movies were at the same time funny and disturbing. Of course he was just in those movies, it's not like he wrote them.

It's like if Winnie the Pooh killed himself. Or Thomas the Tank Engine. Is everyone struggling with such depression? It's the type of news that makes you want to immediately look away. Not just from something outside. But to look away from something inside. As if there might be something inside your self that is scary and depressing, but to go there would be falling into horrible suffering. So go outside and go to work and struggle against something external, have challenges and issues outside of yourself because there is something inside you that is dangerous even to look at and must be covered up. Well , that's the sort of feeling I got when Grace told me that little bit of news this morning.