Live well and love in this New Year

(A new Year's song, sung to the tune of "the parting glass")

All movements hopes and dreams of change,
Need cloth from distant places found.
To sew two strangers tight seems strange.
Til for warmth, the quilt is wrapped around.

Other's words are loose as sand
With no place to build or children rear
Unclench your fist and take my hand
Let's live well and love in this New Year.

Are we so different as you would insist
That eyes or lips should meet no more?
Past thoughts and feelings reminisced
Can inspire wanderings to distant shores.

To join as one in heart and mind
Is greed and hatred's greatest fear.
The path, the way, the dance to find
We can
 Live well and love in this New year.

Oceans we are meant to cross,
And comrades meant to meet again.
New friends are made but old not lost.
Mind's reason kept with rhyme regained.

This tune I hope, will embrace and touch,
Eyes That see and ears that hear.
To join as one is not too much.
Live well and love in this New Year.

Chinese food on New Year's

So... do all of you guys know about this New Year's Eve tradition where you eat American Chinese food? Like the old school American Chinese stuff from like the 60's before the east coast had even seen like a ba k Choy or knew what the hell dim sum was.

Like Crab Rangoon and beef teriyaki that kind if stuff.

Is that just a white thing? Like to black people eat that kind of food on New Year's Eve.. and yeah it started off because nothg else is open. But you have adults who grew up on that stuff. Not only that, their parents grew up doing it, hell their grandparentsbgrew up doing this, so it's become like a tradition more sacred than Santa Claus because it spans all religions.

You could have some vegan health nut who MUST punish themselves by finding the greasiest fast food Chinese place around. Lie some hipster living in Chinatown, will have to search outside if Chiatown to get the crack of Chinese food cocaine.

Can we do just any chinese food nowadays though? Or is there another ethnic group that might want to try their hand at the New Year's Eve tradition?

You know when I first found out about this tradition? I was in highschool, and it was actually my first and only time working at a Chinese restaurant owned by a friends, well my Si Hing's girlfriends family in the whitesr part of Massachusetts you can imagine.

It was there that I was first introduced to Crab Rangoon.

First of all what the hell is Crab Rangoon...ehh  that sounds like a post for the Chinatown Blog

Artemis

I keep on bothering real people to talk to me virtually, and I realize that given that I will only get text responses here and there anyway, why don't I just stop bothering peoole and create an imaginary friend.

When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend. She was a blnd haired girl my age and she had super powers. I think her name was Tina or Tiffany or some kind of T name that weird.


I think if Noah had an imaginary friend, it would be Jonah.


Anyway, religion is kind of like having an imagart friend, but I think I need a goddess that nobody bows to really, so as not to offend.

And someone who would fit in these surroundings, wit te woods and the deer. Not someone to worship. Someone to talk to... who alsi has super powers I guess. And I think it should be a hot woman, because why not.

I was going to go with Artemis but then I realized that one of the characters in Kung Fu and Cooking (which I never published anyway) was Artemis and that I think she was the daughter of a character based on me. She also shoots Noah in the back with an arrow.

Artemis was alsi te Virgin goddess of the Moon. You know maybe  I will start talking Artemis after all. We woukd just keep things platonic.


I thought of Athena too. How she watched over Odysseus...but honestly Athena is Grace, especially the bit about arachne.

In fact I got Grace Nike as a trophy for something she did. Where did it go?

Okay Nike is not Athena, but at some point they all start to look the same and these characters are going to follow my ideas. You see, to talk to them they will have to answer back. Which means I will be the one yo do that too. Which means that I am them.


In that case shoukd I create new names as well?

Messing up on the morning

It's pretty easy for me to get the kids ready for school. That is to say, compared to what parents are going to have to go through at BPS. Today I woke the kids up, not in a friendly tv Daniel tiger perfe t father or mother way. It was "Get up Now!we're late!"
I gave the yuk sung and butter on toast. I put their socks on. I put their sweatshirts on. I their boots and they put those on.

I got their backpacks and coats for them and while they ate we formulated a plan so they would not have to wait in the cold.

I would wait in the cold and single to them at the end of the driveway when the bus came.

I tested if they, or if at least one of them (Noah is the one that is good at this, when it is clear that there are benefits, like warmth.) Was watching, by going down there, doing a series of Kung Fu moves and coming back up.

"What did I do?"

"Walk down.... come back up..."

"What did I do when I was down there?"

"Kung Fu moves...."

"Which moves?"

The boy answered correctly and so we were good to go. He even checked with a shout when I did not signal in a while and I shouted back. You see, he is standing behind a glass door so verbal will only work if he initiates it.

The bus came, I signalled. They ran down. Success.

..........except when I got back inside I saw their damn lunch boxes on the counter. So I will be driving over to their school anyway.

But again, so easy compared to what some parents are going to have to do, especially if their kids have special needs, when the schedules for schools change to 7-1 for some parents in Boston.

Snow delay

School is delayed for two hours. After shoveling the light dustingbcovering our long driveway, I emailed work and peacefully contemplated life as faulighted slowly came. The sun blocked by cloud cover is not seen. Instead light seemed to emanate from the snow and the surroundings as if we were in some sort of other world that the druids spoke of.

"What the helllll!" Screamed Jonah over and over with the slamming of doors accompanying his vocal rage.

The conflict was over the sharing of a computer, which indeed belonged to Mommy, and therefore belonged to Jonah, her niii wuuu, and not Noah, who has the use of my computer.

Nothing like an argument that quickly escalates into an all out war as the weaker Jonah commits various acts of vandalism on the house until authorities step in to remedy the situation.

At any rate, my heart is now pumping fast and the children are working together... ON THE SAME DAMN COMPUTER rather nicley although both are out and on.

Time to make toast and perhaps hot chocolate.

Freestyle practice

Just finished doing Kung Fu with the kids, where I just put on Nam Yi Dong Ji Kerng and have them get low and do moves. Whatever moves. It was supposed to be fun and work on speed, power, but then also have resting meditative points. The kids just ended up fighting, which one would think is good, but if you are just indicating strikes without putting power you aren't developing. Then Noah would start staring at the TV which defeats the purpose. Well I got a workout and the did do some moves. But that is why not Every class can be like that. In the end, from the fighting Noah was so upset that he said he would do 100 basics each instead.

Well tomorrow we do boxing anyway. Friday is basics... which I was thinking of replacing with techniques from the forms...we'll see.

Animal control

A giant cat started running up our driveway with intent followed by an animal control truck. I walked over because I just had to hear this story.

The woman said she was looki g for a stray dog someone had called about. I hadn't seen one today, but in the past I have seen a giant was wild dog roaming around with a basketball in my mouth. Ran up on us as we awaited the bus in the morning actually. Good thing it was friendly or my children would have been dead since going for the throat would have made a quick finish.

Anyway, we said goodbye because no I have not seen that dog today. I beleive it is just the dog from the house behind us which sometimes wanders off chasing the deer. On the one hand, there is no need to call if that is the case. On the other hand giant wolf dogs wandering the neighborhood are not good for my kids I think. Especially if they are actually Coyote. 

I didn't even realize there was a number to call. In any case it was one of the first. Conversations I have had with a non family member outside of work this week.

Well I am going to write an article about BPS. Someone else's take on it, which lines up with my views 90% surprise surprise. But it has to be good, and so I am avoiding it. I watched an episode of Frontier... sort if. I was cooking at the same time. The children finished their homework, or so they say, and are playing video games on Scratch.

After I write a rough draft I will let a few people look at my article. See what they think. This o e has to go through a bunch of drafts because nobody else is really writing this article. Everyone else is taking the easy way out, which is so tempting. But this is a key issue that will effect so many families so I need to cover it. It someone does at any rate.

I have been reading Ted Chiang's short stories to Noah before bed. I think after the rough draft I will teach the kids Kung Fu briefly, and them read. Grace should be home by then.

I have been wanting to reconnect with people, or perhaps play out and relive aspects of my past. I guess everyone sort of does that to some extent.

The Nutcracker suite

I truly love this music. I put it on last night while Noah read his comic books and I just feel that no stage production can really compare with the movements if the music.  The story is not even that great I think, but the ideas are. Hoffman's story is in many ways gothic or even a horror story and it would be cool to see a filmmaker take this music outside the box of plot and holiday spirit to just try and create a work if art with it. But then perhaps it is still too difficult to live up to those mysterious sounds that are meant to represent places, far away for the composer, but more familiar in the modern world and places where my father was from.

Actually the Chinese dance is probably the worst of all the songs and usually brings about much racist costume and movements on any production. But even aside from that the song is just not as good.

Well maybe it could be good if presented in a different way, who knows. I have heard some productions go with a lion dance. Not sure if this is done to the music or the drum.

Practicing at night

There is something about practicing kung Fu in the dark. My Sifu had done it in China for purposes if secrecy. And I have written about Uncle Frank talking about a relative who practiced Tai Chi in the basement with the lights off.

There us a mental aspect to it.

I just did meditation and ran through the basic form... though not as a form. More as a freestyle. Obviously I was quiet as well and my m9vements started off rather slow and more inhibited, less fancy and more street. Not for effectiveness though. More so I wouldn't pull something. And also I am working out a way to show adults techniques quickly in a way that is interesting, and have decided that maybe skipping the basics isnt crazy.  Or perhaps that showing basics as an exercise, like jump rope or pushups, might even make more sense.

Talking to tarot

Is talking to tarot cards better or worse than talking tobyoirself... without the cards. After all I mean that's kind of what you are doing... any way its what I am doing right now because Unrealized talking to people over texts may be more or less the same experience.

Looks like life is good for me financially. I think because of this, with all the struggles that people have, that they would be annoyed with me for not being absolutely happy. I mean I really have nothing to complain about.

But I guess I am searching for something and it is always that same something that men and boys search for and write about and obsess over. Whether it is in worship or psycho analysis or the content of media consumed.

You know, many people say they are afraid if failure, of being nobody. But I think a lot more people are afraid of success, if being followed, of being a leader, if being a role model, of being worshipped.

They want the cup to pass from them because they read about what comes next.
Or at least saw the movie.

If you see the Buddha kill the Buddha

I always took heart with this statement. I had confidence in my ability to mentally cut through an answer, a vision, an illusion as not being the true answer and simply continuing on.

Wu Kong had an episode with a fake Buddha that was truly a demon.

From an Abrahamic perspective this would be the smashing if false idols. To cast away what you worship to submit to God.

Jesus was supposed to free people from rules, or rather fulfill the rules by looking past the letter to the spirit, as were many other thinkers who later were worshipped in codified idolatrous fashion.

I like idols too. As symbols. And I like religion as stories and metaphor.

As tools and crutches you can use yo get to the nest level.

But what of instead of encountering the Buddha, you encounter a Biddhisatva who cuts you diwn and your notions and your beliefs right to the core, and done with you moves along in their journey. But you want to go with them and you are unable to let go and unable to avoid the cuts but rather keep coming back for more?

Ego and Pride

I have often been told I am an auditory learner. I cheated in violin by playing by ear instead of learning to sure read properly. Things that people say once often echo u my memory years.... And now decades later. However, I also know that people have often told me that I do not listen to them. That I discount their opinions. In truth, my first reaction to certain ways of doing things is often anger... Though I have changed that throughbtaching children and have tried to always be open to new perspectives, even when it us coming at you in an attack.

I have missed opportunities because I did not consult with my students before making a decision.


But as someone who is known for listening, it can cut right through your guts to hear that you have not been listening to someone whose words you have obsessed over as if they come from the divine.

I suppose that is why so many wars and fabric movements argue about interpretation of scripture.

Madness of desire

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it drove you insane? My children regularly seem to be this incline toward screen time. Some people are addicted to drugs or food or sex, even in an abusive and predatory way as seen by what is happening in the news. Some lust after power or wealth.

But you can also want a family or a house so badly, or romantic love or career. There is also the thirst for freedom, equality and justice.

Recently I have had the mad desire for distraction. For bread and circus. For excitement.

And through that desire I ha e alsi had other yearnings, I suppose for adventure, for the plot if a movie or novel. The truth is I believe mist peoole yearn afterbthis oft not named thing.  It positive like freedom, but not negative like power.

The thirst of the mercenary, the Han Solo or Indiana Jones who yes, maybe searching for wealth or a treasure, but its really the plot and struggles along the way that enrapture tha audience.

My mind has painfully been attacking itself and my body over the need for such a yearning that seems so simple, so easy, and yet alsi impossible. I meditate and during that time I am calm, and I realize I have always had some version of this yearning. Always, since childhood, but of course it would manifest itself in different activities, movements, people, or things.

Like the Buddhist lessons of impermanence though, once attained, that thing or status or person changes. The Buddha talks about this desire as being the origin of true suffering. A friend and teacher of sorts has told me the belief that the only person that can truly love you the way you need us yourself. And the Buddha made that argument that in order to even live others you must love yourself.

And that to conquer the mind within, may sound simple, but is no small feat. Learning and reading this sort of thing in school it all seemed so simple. After all when you are young you are full of potential and any hardship has the potential to change into the origin story of a great story with massive changes. But as you settle in towards the end of the movie and realize there may be no plot twist a great painful fear settles in.

The fear that this is it, that everything is perfect. I realized in highschool that I may fear heaven more than purgatory as Heaven was as permanent as hell and it is the permanence that is to be feared.

And yet it is permanence we seek. The illusions of permanence that we seek after. The ledge, the mountain top that is IT. That we have made it. That we have reached our potential.

I used to think Marc Antony a fool. But all the fools of the past and present have recently been proven to me to be wise people misrepresented by the feeble and ignorant, who in their own way are also wise people misrepresented by othersbstuck in different cages and boxes of feebleness and ignorance.

In any case that thirst for an in permanent thing can driven the mind insane indeed. But what to Do? Poetry painting meditation. Ambition of other sorts....one cannot force fate. Or perhaps there are more malleable ways of achieving a goal through the shifting of perspective.

To love oneself properly...

Perhaps even more difficult than loving thy enemy or neighbor.

Tiger on the mountain

Lure the tiger off its mountain lair[edit]

• (調虎離山／调虎离山, Diào hǔ lí shān)
• Never directly attack an opponent whose advantage is derived from its position. Instead lure him away from his position thus separating him from his source of strength.

Well I can't think of anyone that I care to attack. However, I have made it a point in my life to put myself in awkward situations. To Challenge myself and try to see people's point of view who I don't agree with. To help others. To extend myself. 

Now don't get me wrong. I have a very diverse background and upbringing. So sometimes I don't look like I would fit in in a certain place, but actually I am quite comfortable there. Often this is means being around people who do not look like me. But actually I come from a similar background. 

But now I literally live on a mountain...and I think I am going to go to where I am comfortable. I tried really hard to understand people of a different viewpoint. And I think I tried hard enough for other's sake. From now on any effort will be more for me, or the people who actually reciprocate help. Which can be new people I meet. I won't be close minded. But I need to find where my mountain is and stay there. 

借屍還魂

Borrow a corpse to resurrect the soul[edit]

• (借屍還魂／借尸还魂, Jiè shī huán hún)
• Take an institution, a technology, a method, or even an ideology that has been forgotten or discarded and appropriate it for your own purpose. Revive something from the past by giving it a new purpose or bring to life old ideas, customs, or traditions and reinterpret them to fit your purposes

Not that the Wong Fei Hung song is underused. In fact it is overused. But when I taught it to my kids. I realized that it is an awesome self affirmation. I was looking for some cool stuff to say in the morning. The Our Father and the Hail Mary honestly, have problems when you look at the words themselves. The words are not very empowering. But Nam Yi Dong Ji kerng is. the only problem is for female students But you can easily just sing Lui yi dong ji kerng, so whatev.

Basically Kung Fu itself, was resurrected and re-purposed and if you are looking media to teach the idealogy of Kung Fu you have access to so many movies (many of which Mandy Chan is in)

The HK gangster movies too. I mean if you wanted to brainwash yourself... there is no shortage of stuff to sing, watch, and and even physically practice. It's amazing that this stuff has been used mostly as a means for entertainment. One could argue that the God of Gamblers movies probably increased profits at casinos...

But there is a lot of negative stuff that goes with these old movies too. Nam Yi Dong Ji kerng is pretty clean. 

Personal:

I have been pretty depressed recently. And I realized I haven't been singing this song in the mornings. So a) I should gt back into that

b) I need to start teaching classes, because that gave me an adrenaline rush that was able to satisfy me. 

In other words, I have to teach... sort of like it is a drug. And I have to teach people that are interested in learning. 

So really,  I should open a school. It sounds so simple and so many people have done it I mean if I am ADDICTED to teaching, then it makes sense that I should open a school. Even if I break even, that is actually a profit when you are comparing it to alcoholism, gambling, or an opioid addiction. 

I mean I guess I could lose money. 

I could also make money.

Only writing this did I realize that I sort of have no option. I have to teach Kung Fu. 

I mean yes there are other things that could satisfy me too. Maybe even more so. But all of those things are dependent on others on so many ifs... and I guess I could pursue those simultaneously. 

Take the opportunity to pilfer a goat 順手牽羊／顺手牵羊, Shùn shǒu qiān yáng

This one I took to heart when my Uncle Francis taught it to me.

Not so much the pilfering... but you take what you can get. Basically after my mom died he offered me some money and I was gonna be all Chinese and refuse it and he was like,"That's not what I want to here. You take what you can get."
There are several ways of looking at this.

First let's look at the pilfering way. I am reminded of Truman Capote's in cold blood where the killer is taking coins from under the bed after murdering a whole family. This is even lower class than the pilfering the goat in the example.

But here is another example.

Once in Boston, I helped this lady carry her bag to the train station. When she got there she tried to tip me and I refused at first and she was like, "please don't make me chase you I don't have the energy I'm old."

This was before my Uncle had taught me the lesson. I took her money reluctantly, but you have to remember that when someone is trying to give you something.... to refuse it can be rude too. Not only rude but it will hurt their feelings.

Later in a snowstorm (actually it was in New Jersey) and post Uncle Francis's lesson, I was helping this guy shovel out.

I did it in horse stance and enrgenitically.

"Aww man I didn't ask you to do this." (btw it only sort of matters but he was black and I am white passing)

"I'm just getting a work out." I said. Because of the proximity to New York. He probably thought all of this was a hustle. I actually was just getting a work out and had nothing better to do. I didn't want to be stuck in the hotel room. I had run on the treadmill at their little gym and that really messed up my lungs because of the nasty air. So shoveling was a way to get out of that. Because I treated it like Kung Fu, I was shoveling harder than say the normal person would shovel. I was not looking for money.


But when he handed me $20  I said "Thanks!" just as Kung Fu energetically.

That money bought my family some yummy dumplings at 88 which was the only store that did not close because of the snow and was within walking distance.

And I know you cannot judge a whole race based on one or two interactions. But I will just say that I like how this man PAID me and $20! Bam!

I will always remember it even though that $20 is long gone, the experience of getting it and buying dumplings with it in a blizzard is still there almost 5 years later.


Personal: Well the above was personal too but more up to date.

Today was a Kung Fu day. Thursdays is usually sparring day. I have made a point to try and be a better father. So there was no scolding. The kids jumped the Card board Coscto box that is our hit pad. And that was a lot more fun than usual. Then they did sticks which was dangerous as hell for me and then I fought them with sticks, back and forth between going against me with a stick and just attacking the card board. Then we did "swords" which were just shorter metal sticks and then knife against sword (could use a plastic bottle but in this case I used a duplo building block) and we ended with double sword against the stick.

We had to do slow and controlled... but honestly we did a lot of moves (Noah that is. Jonah is not ready) Looked pretty cool. I saw that the time just flew by and we were working out.

"Would you do this everyday?" I asked.

Noah paused. "I still like having says off."

So we will keep it like that.

Friday is a day off with optional Lion Dance. Saturday is supposed to be fighting forms.... but given that Jonah simply isn't ready and that Shao is actually doing pretty well at the free styling weapons... maybe we will just do some light lion dance.

I found where the Asians are in the neighborhood. Different types of Chinese.

Maybe we can get some kind of lion dance thing going after all. Maybe it will just be seasonal.  And maybe Grace can help with the Lion dance class.




We are actually going to go someplace to do Chess and Yoga I think and a birthday party so we will see if any lion dance happens this weekend.

Sacrifice the plum tree to preserve the peach tree (李代桃僵, Lǐ dài táo jiāng)

Wikipedia says this is the scapegoat strategy...I am often a scapegoat.... but I don't see these words meaning that (i'm only reading the English.)

A Western example for me has always been Sacrificng the Western Roman Empire to Barbarians so that you can keep the Eastern Roman Empire (the Byzantine Empire... did I remember that right?)

Anyway, to try and hold everything down and keep everything going you might end up losing everything. Instead, something's gotta give.


Personal:

My kids have been lying to me about homework. And I have been slacking a bit on teaching them Kung Fu. Basically, i am going to have to really go over their Homework with them, really watching them do it, which is annoying because there is no way these kids can't do it themselves. They could have done this homework years ago except that sometimes the instructions are a bit confusing and unclear.

Hell maybe I'll just do the damn thing for them. It's not that they won't learn that way. They are ahead of this shit. They know how to read. They know more math than they are doing in their grade. They are learning more when left to their own devices. Perhaps for peace at home, I will just hold their hand on these foolish assignments.

Because something's gotta give.

And I have my assignments that I need them to do. Like Kung Fu, and maybe I should start having them write Chinese. Hell maybe I should be like one of those annoying as super moms and be all hippy and liberal. "Is that what you want to do? Wow that's great, let's write another word. Now let's do algebra honey." Cause this Manly raising the kids shit ain't working. And I need a distraction.

To distract myself from how I am feeling I will play the role of the supportive loving father and husband.

I will save my rage for my forms.

Hide a knife behind a smile[edit] (笑裏藏刀／笑里藏刀, Xiào lǐ cáng dāo) Charm and ingratiate yourself with your enemy. When you have gained his trust, move against him in secret.

I see people do this all the time. And even more often then this you see people calling out people for doing this on Facebook.


I say if you can actually manage to ingratiate yourself with enemies... hell why not actually make them friends and do the whole love your enemies bit.

I would say do away with the knife completely... but at least know that others are moving against you. Defend yourself....protect yourself... I don't I guess.


I was actually thinking about knives and "protecting yourself" the other day when I heard there was a stabbing in Boston's Chinatown. The thought was this.

If you stab someone to protect yourself with a blunt object, you will probably deter them just as much. It's just that you are less likely to kill them. Where as a knife raises the possibility of killing them. Not saying a dull knife like this can't kill someone too it's just that you are less likely to.

Personal:


The other day I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and somehow between doing that and coming back I forgot that I know longer sleep on a bed on the floor (which is really meant for Jonah and sort of misjudged distance in the dark. I thought it was pretty funny.

Since then Noah has joined me on the floor preferring that to his own bed, and I think we are going to be getting rid of some of the furniture including some of the beds.


Now We won't redo the whole house with Tatami mats... but I really do like that Japanese style of no furniture... especially when I got the opportunity to visit the Royal Palace (Kyoto right? So embarrassing I forget, and a lot of Japanese Citizens are kind of pissed that it's only tourists that get to visit) But anyway, it's not less luxurious to sleep on the floor or not have any furniture. I like how there is just more space. And it's not even like this house is small. But more space is just nicer to me. I like that spartan feel. And you can arrange a few things around that are manageable. Well we aren't any where near that yet, but that's what I'm going for.

How is life?

Well someone mentioned that from the way I talk, they would guess that I am loneley and bored.

It is true.


But to be honest, I am beginning to feel it is not where I am geographically. It is just where I am emotionally. I won't lie. I am struggling. And there seems to be no reason to.

It is difficult to be cut off from everything.

"You have your kids, you have your family.." people could say.

Yes.

 I do.

And now I even have a job so there is some social interaction there. But I realize that say when I had a customer service job in Chinatown, it was cool to see all these people you know all at once every day. At work!

And then you go hang out and see even more people.

And in  a way I even felt loneley then.


Always in my life I have always been yearning for something or someone or some change or some experience. And I think most people are like this.



It's just that I seem to be particularly distraught recently because I guess when you are little you believe, when I grow up I will have this, and then when you are a young adult you have all this potential and dreams. Now I am not middle aged or old. But I sort of see a sea of suburban comfortable mediocrity out into the horizon. And it is exactly what I wished for as a child. That rock hard stability.

Maybe it is all just that or maybe I just need to make more friends. Maybe I am just projecting.

But I just felt like before I was able to fill the void with distractions, and now I long for some of those distractions which felt like real connections and mild adventures.

I knew and worked with other creative people and talked with people everyday before at the playground, at a restaurant, at the park.

I even feel like maybe if this house had more people, that it would be more fun.

My kids don't seem to mind at all somehow. They are adequately distracted by each other, either fighting or playing.

You know what is strange, my surrounding remind me so much of my childhood. Of the Philadelphia house and simultaneously of the apartment I grew up in with my father and mother there and so I am having constant flashbacks.


And I guess I am getting caught in fantasy thinking about what could be or what was or how my father must have felt to be here in this country, not speaking English, but still having lots of friends.... and how gambling is actually a better hobby than just sitting here alone, even if you might lose money.


But also thinking about what really makes my blood rush, if it is not the roll of the dice, what makes my heart beat faster if it is not the roar of Mah Jong tiles clacking against each other.


And of course I hone in on more recent events.

It is difficult to leave them behind, but perhaps more painful to try to clutch at what isn't there.

I suppose a knife is not the only thing that can be hidden behind a smile.

Climbing

Horse stance

Samurai bots

Tired if hiding

Watch the fires burning across the river (隔岸觀火／隔岸观火, Gé àn guān huǒ)

This actually reminds me of a Chinese children' s story that I learned in Chinese school (yes that's right a few things actually managed to seep in at Kwong Kow. I still remember the little drawings and though my reading sucked I vaguely remember the teacher's explanation.)

The story I am thinking of involves a hunter or maybe just some dude watching two tigers.

Basically I think at first he sees one tiger. and he's like, "oh shit." and then he sees two tigers. And then they start fighting each other. And one kills the other one and then the guy just picks up a club and kills the half dead surviving tiger.

Sounds hard to kill a tiger with a club. But I swear it was tigers in the story and not like dogs.... maybe it was dogs but lo fu is ringing in my ears.


I'm all about just letting your enemies battle themselves in theory. Of course I probably get involved with things more often then I should.

But then going in after ward when the enemy is weakened. I guess I never do that.
Something to ponder.

Personal:

Today Noah threw up on the bus because he got car sick, but he got sent home anyway. Rules. I made a note (for documentation purposes) that he tends to get carsick and was told that next time they will take that into account and that we may decide together whether it is sickness (like a virus) or just car sickness.

Openly repair the gallery roads, but sneak through the passage of Chencang[edit] (明修棧道,暗渡陳倉／明修栈道,暗渡陈仓, Míng xiū zhàn dào, àn dù Chéncāng)

Wow that's a good one... I have no idea how to use it.

Except that, is it me or does it seem like China looked like it was slowly gaining on us and they said their military was like 100 years behind us (this is when I was in College, ten years ago) and then BAM! It's like technologically they have leaped into the future and we're still like riding normal trains and using cash and credit cards and their paying for their noodles, made the same way still, with their phones.

So they have the best of both worlds going and it's like we are repeating the 80's for kicks.


Anyway, this weekend was pretty awesome. (actually not over yet is it.)

We went to a Halloween party at a distant cousin of Grace's house.

I saw a bunny, which means something to me.

I cleaned out a closet... which is always good.

Gong Gong took the kids to Chinatown for haircuts. They were brats... but me and Grace went to the Korean Spa.

It was fun. It was social.

I studied at the Spa and I got double takes.... from other people studying at the Spa,,,, because they were all Asian and I think they were like, "What's that white guy doing studying at the Spa like he's Asian."

I'm doing more Kung Fu.

Think I'm gonna pick up some other hobbies, like making lion heads (my frame got thrown out by accident when the Junk guys came.) and maybe making shilellaghs and even swords. There is space for a forge here.

I have more of a yearning to have a real sword now and I have the space to practice with it on private property so why not. But buying one would be stupider than making one.

But yeah have to clean stuff out first. Still a lot of junk.

The basement might turn into a work out Kung Fu (kid friendly) which will be handy in the winter.

Might put in two punching bags....

Or maybe it makes more sense to have it be an art studio....We'll see.


That new Van Gogh movie has me thinking about doing my ink painting again. Just painting on everything. The supplies are collecting dust so might as well use them, better than throwing them out.

無中生有／无中生有, Wú zhōng shēng yǒu) A plain lie. Make somebody believe there was something when there is in fact nothing. One method of using this strategy is to create an illusion of something's existence, while it does not exist. Another method is to create an illusion that something does not exist, while it does

This is one you see a lot in the media. 

For instance, the Las Vegas shooter story. Recently they are making a big deal about how law enforcement handled the situation. That the shooter got an extra 15 minutes and it took them that long to put it together that the shooter was not at the concert itself, that the security guard had been shot and called 911... I heard the story second hand and then briefly skimmed the news story but I actually exploded mid conversation because, YOU try to figure all that out in 15 minutes. In fact the story was told to me confusingly and that took longer than 15 minutes. 

I am not a super "I love law enforcement all the time all the way." but I agree with their take that the media is making something out of nothing. They did the best they could and did pretty well. You could say we are ill equipped to handle situations like these... but to me.... 15 minutes to figure out the guy is in the hotel? 

That's fast. 

Remember, that's while being shot at and all that. 

Another making something out of nothing? 

Well I would say the Nazi Rally's. Ok not exactly nothing. But they have been around for a while and giving them a platform? Probably not helpful. But then other stuff happened and so the media moved on. 

Data disagregation. 

Getting more boxes to check for Asians. 

Really not a big deal. Turned into a huge debate and protests and talking about racism and all that. 

That is something out of nothing. If you are against the government collecting data... first of all you are a hypocrite if you own a smartphone. Second, you don't have to check the boxes. 

Anyway, None of that was about me really.

I just cleaned out a closet full of DVDs. Gong Gong made me put them in boxes, theoretically to transport to Maryland... to the SOUTH, instead of throwing them away. 

I would say keep the personal home videos and toss the rest that is on Youtube for free anyway... in your hand at all times if you have a smart phone. 

I put some board games and toys in there that the kids wanted to keep. The toys will eventually go but when the weather gets cold the kids will need something to play with inside... so not yet. 

I want to get some sort of video game system. The kids are playing very simple games on Scratch anyway and doing it as if it is illegal by hiding under things... and then fighting each other about turns. So I want to get something with four controllers so that we can all play. 

I like non screen time games... but you have to admit that you can have a lot more games on a computer than if you have to have the physical games. 

Still haven't learned to play Mah Jong... But that would be something cool to do. 

After work I have been doing hard Kung Fu. Like Hai! and Ha! really loud. Haven't done it like that since I was a teenager really. And that's the last time I was in this sort of social situation... makes you wonder. 

Like I don't even warm up. I just get home change and go, take a break with salute to sun, and then another form. I usually sort of have time for three forms, and then I run to pick up the kids from the bus stop. 

Only today, Gong Gong pulled in right as I got home. So I couldn't do it. To top it off. I semi twisted my ankle walking down the hill to go to the bus stop.

I would have done Kung Fu on the front lawn (because I can see if the bus is coming) but all the neighbors can not only see me... but its like I am putting on a show... also I was afraid they might call the police and that's the last thing I need. 

But anyway, I can feel mu ankle is slightly not 100% We'll see tomorrow. 

I did Kung Fu on it in the back yard anyway after I picked up the kids. 

Maybe that was a bad idea. 

But at this point I have to do Kung Fu. Not for health but for stress. 

It's just annoying that I injured my ankle. 

Ehhh

Maybe I'm making something out of nothing. 

Make a sound in the east, then strike in the west[edit] (聲東擊西／声东击西, Shēng dōng jī xī)

Is this really that different from Man tian guo hai? Maybe I should just start doing this sort of thing around the house too my kids... for fun.

Are there 35  strategies of getting your kids to do their homework? Because Shao totally just lied to me today and so we had to do homework later at night... again.

I started watching the Water Margin stories with them. Just like a traditional Chinese family with the tv blasting during dinner and Shao unable to eat properly because he couldn't look away. I think they might even learn Chinese.

It's the one that was made in the 90's. I prefer the actors and the director in that one. And the song. It's good exposure. Plus its for me.

I noticed that I am feeling frustrated being separated from my culture. So I need to over compensate with the TV series and probably music. Except it's just not convenient to blast music. You might as well put on an actual show. Most of what is keeping me "busy" is throwing stuff away. I feel Like I won't be able to do anything until the house is clean. And of course there is work, and i am taking a paralegal course, which is difficult to do with the kids around.

And I do full on Kung Fu. like forms without even warming up and haiya-ing and almost diu lei pking too except I try to keep all the moves positive. A form is less intentionally violent than say hitting a punching bag I think... though I think we will get one of those in the basement at some point...

In the meantime I tied these kick board for swimming to a tree outside. That is more for the kids... but maybe I should hit it too to release tension. Suburban American life is all very tense I think, with the veneer of peacefulness on the surface.   Maybe we should find the appropriate times and opportunities to hit the drums and do lion dance too. Oh yeah, we did sort of do that yesterday, like a mini exorcism of the house while Grace cooked dinner Mostly it was to distract the kids from fighting.

(趁火打劫/趁火打劫, Chèn huǒ dǎ jié)

The weekends are always busier than the week somehow. I never did get around to making those flash cards. I'll think I'll do it the second go around.

And yeah, I guess I won't do the weekends for these updates. Just a Monday recap.

"Loot a burning house" I thought about this one a lot. The take what you can get strategy... oh wait, no that's the pilfer a goat strategy. This one is about taking advantage of a country falling apart at the seams. The kicking a dog when it's down... dude the 8 countries (G8 US included) totally did this one to China after the boxer rebellion, or before or during, depending whose telling the story.

I think these strategies are just what jerks do naturally without thinking.
Anyway, one of te things we did this weekend was pay people to take stuff away from our house. I imagined trying to explain this to someone from back in the day when this strategy was written. Like, you would actually pay someone to take your stuff away. Good stuff that works. Metals, plastics, glass. STUFF. Treasure back then.

Treasure now to Amah.

We still have a lot of stuff, the two trucks put a small dent and the feng shui flows better. The company tries to donate what they can too.

Also try to explain to the people back then that people wouldn't steal this stuff. That the stuff people really want to steal is your personal information, your id numbers, the name of your  parents and maiden names. Stuff you would announce to everyone back then. Stuff that defined you... but that people could never "steal"

They wouldn't think you were crazy actually they would just think you were talking about witch craft or religion.

We also went to a STEAM fair. Basically a science fair run by high-schoolers. A lot of the fairs around here.... they are more community oriented. They are like the August moons of old, but all run by high schoolers. All the ideas I always had and said people should do in Chinatown.... that's how stuff is run here. So basically I have nothing to try and work toward and there is no need for my involvement. In a way I have no purpose. Maybe we'll do a lion dance at the library for Chinese New Year.... but maybe they already have something too.


We also went Apple picking again.

Monday was Columbus Day, supposedly slow. Not a holiday here for the children but still widely celebrated.  


I think it is important that I write everyday, and not law stuff. Otherwise I will lose my mind. So I have started writing another novel....I will keep it on my Adam Cheung Blog. And continue with this 36 Strategies calendarng type deal. Maybe after the 36 strategies instead of doing it again I will move onto some other sort of saying that are more positive. Or maybe a Tarot card a day or something. We'll see.

以逸待劳, Yǐ yì dài láo)

Off topic... but I think I should make little 36 strategy flash cards and teach them to the kids. I had a big poster of it in JP... but the flash cards would be more manageable.

But this one is basically chill out while your enemy wears himself out.

Again....I think I am usually the one who won't chill.

So today I actually brought a statue of a Buddha to work. We were getting rid of it along with a  lot of other of Amah's things.

How this came to be is a crazy story....which I cannot post about. And I posted about some embarrassing health issues so you know that it was some shit to witness.

ehhhh f it

I basically went nuts listening to Grace complain about how Noah ate chips and that the house wasn't clean all weekend and threw away a ton of stuff.


The stuff had been out and I wanted her to look through it before tossing it.

I after that I drank too much sake and almost died. I threw that away too.

But I later rescued Amah's Japanese children doll (because it reminded me of Shao and Dai... only in a weird creepy nightmarish way) and also this Geisha doll, which actually reminds me of Amah and I realized that that might be why she bought it... and a million dried food goods that I had to sleep next to.

My only experience with wearing out the enemy is to allow Amah to wear her self out... but actually this strategy often just drives me to insanity.

Wearing out the enemy by being the peaceful Buddha is the typical Kung Fu stereotype and it is assumed that all martial artists will take this approach. I am not against this strategy... it is very white crane, where you would just be still and through a side shot of some sort. Not attacking for no reason or doing moves for no reason.

Like protests without clear purpose for instance. If you are doing it to prepare that is one thing, but if it is to get stir crazy and waste your energy it might not be as useful


Instead of wearing  out my enemy (which I don't really have any) I will work to just chill more in general.

借刀殺人／借刀杀人, Jiè dāo shā rén

This one I always remember and you always see it in politics. You also always see it on the playground. I noticed girls tend to employ this strategy more than boys.

I think tat most of the strategies are probably considered to be immoral in terms of cultural norms. Even in China in day to day life really. It's just that since the book exists politicians and the like respect the strategies...but if you don;t have the above cool saying to show respect you will just use the other colloquialism which is that you get others to do your dirty work.

Kill with a borrowed sword sounds cooler and legitimizes the action while the more American saying makes it sound disgusting.... even though this strategy is pretty well employed in American Foreign policy.

Personal experience....

hmmmm you know what I realize. Not only do I not usually start fights with people... I also just don't try to attack people in these other ways. Whether it is suing or trolling or yelling.... it's not only that I am averse to violence, I am averse to the negativity... and yet I am actually not as averse to confrontation. I mean I sort of am.... but when I just can't take it I go all out.


So to use this strategy I would really have to be in a war, in that mind set.  Are other people always in that mind set? I guess they are. I guess most people are actually incredibly violent in their intentions. It's just that they don't fight physically.

I practice Kung Fu... but actually in my surroundings growing up I was also one of the least likely to get into a fight.

But I can't say that I am some sort of hippie peace lover either. I mean I think I strive to be that way. But everyone knows I can have a temper and lose my patience.


This strategy (and probably most of the 36), requires you not to lose your temper and also be very violently minded.

Going through them one a day I just realize that though I readily recognize all these behaviors in others immediately, I am averse to all of them. And at the same time I notice that a lot of people would not recognize these behaviors in others..... but are very quick to do them themselves.

(圍魏救趙／围魏救赵, Wéi Wèi jiù Zhào)

The explanation for this... I don't like. Basically it says (on Wikipedia) to attack the weakest link.

When I read that... I was thinking, damn I am totally just not a 36 strategies kind of guy. But then I just read the title part again and even though the meaning might be the same, the emphasis is on rescuing Zhao... ie a positive.

In other words, yeah I attack a weakness but the goal is to saves something.

Anyway, I guess I don't really go around attacking people's weaknesses. I just take note of everyone's and of course my own.

Mostly my personal experience with this one is people pointing out my weaknesses and implying that they will attack them.

Again, I guess I am totally not a 36 strategies kind of guy but more of a Buddhist and a Bushido type of dude... which is kind of hard to say for me...

But I'm not going to go around looking for everyone's weaknesses and starting trouble.

But what I will do is to take into account my weaknesses... and then try not to have them be weaknesses.

What does that mean and why did I say Buddhism and Bushido?

Well, ultimately, you can't control anything really. Nothing is yours. In the Dhamapada it says something like "the fool says, sons are mine, wealth is mine," etc. but really nothing is yours. Once you recognize this, you can't be afraid of losing what you don;t really have. Not to be all depressed and also not care about gaining what "you don't really have"

And then Bushido?

It says that "nothing is guaranteed except honor."

In other words.., you don;t know if you will live, or in a less drastic situation if this or that was the factor that destroyed or helped you. But you can control how you reacted to the situation.... if you were honorable.

Honorable is a loaded term.

So for me it's more about, did I act how I wanted to act. Was I true to my self and my own honor or style of honor.

In other words, if the world were going to end tomorrow anyway... would you realy let the fact that someone was going to do this this and this to you be the reason that stopped you from doing what you wanted to do?

Now the 36 strategies are talking about war. But heck not only is all fair in love and war... but weather or many things can change the outcome. That is not to say act foolishly. But just because say... this country will destroy this weaker ally if you attack.... okay so maybe you shouldn't attack. But should you attack anyway? Also, are you attacking because you are afraid?

If nothing is guaranteed but honor... then just make sure you stay true to yourself. Don't attack crazily (unless that is the type of country you are, which would be a rogue country of bandits)  But also you can't let your life be dictated by another country all the time simply because of the threat of war. Because in the end... nothing is guaranteed anyway.

Man tian guo hai

I realize that the more I have to write about... the less I am really able to write openly, and I may have to start an old school journal written by hand. In any case, I'm going to start doing a strategy of the day for the 36 strategies. I tried to cut and paste, but I couldn't do it on the phone.

Today's strategy is man tian guo hai.

Hide from heaven and cross the ocean. The old slight of hand.

I'm not really a strategist, but part of this would be to add personal experience. Here's mine. I never need to mastermind, because it would appear that I use th8sbdtartegy all the time. But the truth is, with most of the things I do I don't actually have a clear intention. Or rather I may have an idea but I'm not really sure. I realize that in life, I have achieved more or less what I wanted in childhood. One good say my true core intention was to have a certain kind if house and certain kinds of children. Right down to how it all looks. I have exactly what my childhood self always ached for while fearing being kicked out of the projects. I wanted a house that was like my grand mother's.

Perhaps I had some sort of inner psyche that tricked my adult self into following certain things or even fighting against them, ultimately bringing me to my childhood self's true intention...even to go so far as that childhood self be coming flesh and blood in my second son.

Well when I cycle through all 36 I will start at the beginning again and we'll see what I have to say about it next time.

Things I do without thinking

I had to run the wash because Grace forgot to put the clothes in the dryer... But watch did to save water might be to the detriment of my health. I let the water fill up in the sink and quickly looked for  siphon. I was going to cut this old hose in the basement when I came across a vacuum cleaner tube.
I sucked through one side to start the orocess.... But didn't think about the fact that I was sucking dusty air into my lungs. Gross.

Better th waste the water than my health.

Vultures

The mountain is full of deer and vultures. I had thought that the large birds, about have the size of Jonah were eagles. They circle all day and them hide among the trees. These mountains must have been a  place of terror before technology allowed us to build so easily on it and drive right up.

A place of mystery, ghosts, spirituality and crossing over especially on Samaine.


Now?

Kids go play outside by yourselves...lol

Of course not at night though. Mostly the biggest danger us cars....and deer ticks.

Leaves on the mountain

It's pretty here when the leaves fall. Like a New England brisk day painting. Only the weather is him if as Hong Kong right now. It's a bit bizarre.

I think this stage of my life will be monkish...

Oddly I feel the least like a monk than 8 have ever felt.

Work, practice, and art. An introverted life. That is the only way really, when living on the side of a mountain. There are other people here of course. A whole town or city. But everyone somewhat isolated from one another.

I started making a lion head. The frame is made of coat hangers. I tried to start putting paper mage over it too early. I clearly need a mire delicate frame. Well off to do school work for a bit and then maybe some Kung Fu before dinner.

Making a lion head

I have been making a lion head out of hangers recently. And teaching my kids the fighting form. Meanwhile I can't help but question why I am doing any of it. I suppose in my current situation and my current environment, all my Kung Fu practices are trulyreligious in nature. In that they do t really serve a purpose other than to express, distract and destress.

Struck by lightning

There is a Chinese saying... that you should not be too a good a person, or you may be struck by lightning. I think back to Louis Chan's legend of the condos heroes. And how the wife, upon seeing the Jin King in her barn not only spares him, but saves him, bringing disaste on herself and her family.

I don't know exactly where I am going with this, other than that aide and favors can be harmful if carried out incorrectly. Or even if carried out correctly, but perceived wrong. What I am I to do with this information?

When I was a child I lived a cautious and nervous life. We were always afraid of getting kicked out of the section 8 apartment or of certain people finding out where we lived. It took me years to shed some of these fears. Fear if losing face or Ben th possibility of shunning or being a so oak pariah is deeply engrained in some cultures. At some point I started to recklessly cast away these beliefs.

Perhaps it may be time to revisit some of them with new eyes. Or not. I haven't decided.

Any last words...

It has become increasingly troubling to me that I often only learn about how great a person was after they are gone. Like it was a story that should have been told in more detail. Especially as it relates to Chinatown. Perhaps I should start a blog if ONLY post mortem interviews. Stuff people would like to say... after they are dead. And then then post only goes up after they are dead. Perhaps I should just start interviewing people in nursing homes. Or maybe people cab write in...

New Job

I recently started a new job at a law firm. It is exciting to be working in my field once again. Although I am still settling in, I am realizing I can still teach Kung Fu at some point. Not only that... but somehow my work with the Boston Chinatown Blog seems to be gearin up instead of slowing down. Of note is the fight to get the news out about the benefits of data disagregation by working with politicians and organizations across the  country.

I do want to get that Kung Fu teaching gig in though. Paid gig and  physically difficult would be preferable. Could use the 1 hour of a work out after work.

Missing some friends from Boston. Should be back up there soon but might not get a chance to visit really.

The importance of communication

While waiting for the bus today a neighbor walking by smiled, waived and talked to my children. For whatever reason Jonah answered her questions but Noah remained squatting and mentioned that there was a car behind her. She was already aware of this of course. I mentioned to him that not only was it rude not to talk to her, even though she was a "stranger" but how it was very impo grant to make small talk, smile not and make friends with those around you. 

I was the worst at this, and only learned to smile and say Hi when I went to Prep school. Partly because the way Boston was..  Although smiling and creating  small talk would have protected me, while simultaneously being guarded too of course, the approach of the teenage male tends to be more along the lines of, " don't bother me and I won't bother you."

I have found this approach to be flawed of course and regret that nobody was able to explain it to me as a man in my boyhood.

First Day of school

Well I just put my kids on the bus. They'll be fine. I didn't ride the bus until 4th grade.

The driver looked nice.

The other kids looked nice.

When we went to the school everything looked nice.

Apparently there are o that children in the neighborhood so it seems quite possible that my children can have neighborhood playmates. Maybe a childhood seen on stranger things, minus the scary parts.

Well everything will be fine and more than fine. The house is getting clean and there are sections that are like little game rooms and clubhouse. The shoe room is like a little tree house. I can imagine the kids and their friends hanging out in there. We plan to redo the basement. Maybe we can have a punching back down there too.

The main living rooms will be open spaces good for doing homework or Yoga and of course there is the yard.

Sports and boy scouts and that sort of thing is popular here. And there is that Chinese school I can send them to, passing the buck on that responsibility.

Things are good and they will be even better.

Unclogging Feng shui

I seriously think that the hoarding in the house is affecting my body and mind. So I decided even though the situation is temporary, that I am going to slowly clear away stuff that does need to be out, and put it i storage. Also I am not going to sleep in the rooms that are pretty m7ch still being used for storage. Why should I ha e to sleep next to boxes? That was my childhood but it doesn't have to be my adulthood.

Even getting rid of some of the food stuffs that might still be good technically but obviously hasn't been used in years helped with the overall feel of things.

Hemorrhoids and religion

Dude I am too young for this.
But actually this is not the first time I had Hemorrhoids. The first time that was super noticeable was like ten years ago, and I attributed to lifting weights. But thus time it's bad.
Like having to stick the little bullet up your butt now, which was more of an existential experience than one would think.

Humbling us the word. Especially with the knowledge that people gibthrough much more for exams or for fun.

Personally I flashed back to the old way ones temperature was take  and I hated it.

But mostly what I thought about was Buddhism vs. Medieval Christianity.

In  Buddhism one must accept change or suffer.

I should accept that my body is aging (more rapidly than my wife who is older) and understand that this is part of life, this bleeding out of one's butt.

Or I can think that this pain is sent by God to punish and purify me for my sins.

I'm kind of going with the second one here and the sin is obviously not eating enough vegetables and allowing Amah to make me feel bad for drinking water.

And the cute us going to be not prayer so mucha vengeful wrath upon the way of life that caused thus, because like I said I'm too young for this B.S.

All chips and cookies and expired foods are going in the trash. Eventually.

Because there us simply not enough room.

BENEFIBER

Fruits and vegetables.

And I gave to tend to this nastiness, which compared to some people's issues is pretty minor.

But if this hurts that much there is no way I am going to progress to have some ridiculous kind of pain when I am in my 50's.

Nor an I going to be ashamed to face it and even talk blog about it.

And let it be a lesson to my kids to eat their vegetables or suffer the consequences of butt hurting.

But mostly I am wondering, while I squat like an old man in a witch hazel solution, unable to get out of said squat without using my arms and the old lady handle bar on the Jacuzzi, a contraption that was created for adventures with hot naked women, not bleeding but hemorrhoids and pain....

How is THIS who I have become.

I am waiting like Simba for the clouds to part and for My case to scold me royally.

Only Simba's lifestyle at that point was  awesome.  Carefree hakuna matata wanderer. I mean he needs to face responsibility I guess. But he didn't have no hemorrhoids.

Seriously, I am taking this as a sign or some sort of test, but of what?

In any case pain does seem to have a spiritual side effect for me.

Singing

I have been belting out Nam yi Dong ji kerng a) because it works as a self affirmation chant/prayer, and b) it is the most likely song I would perform and you need to practice it, as can be seen by this video where I tried to sing it after doing a form and ended up being a voice cracking mess.

I would also not sing it Karaoke style because my range us different. I fill out my lungs and engage my core using the Opera style lessons Derrick Gay gave me in high school.

It's like Chi Gung really, or rather, simply is.

I have been working on a Jazz version on the piano too. (When playing a lot if Chinese or African American music, one can get a lot done by just hitting the black keys only...ponder that.)

Playing the piano has made me realize how hard it is. I mean even banging simple notes is difficult what with the right and left hand playing simultaneously.
It makes me wonder how the he'll piani players can't just play the Lion Dance drum automatically. I mean one note and one place to hit, unless you count hitting the side or the sticks which are really nothing but flourish.

Emotions

I have been feeling a lot if strong emotions recently. A lot of people who k ow me from my childhood either think I am extremely emotional, or extremely stoic. In the past, feelings were easy to express through various forms of art. Whether it was music, dance, kung fu, painting, or laughing and talking loudly and unreservedly with friends. I'm not sure if it is because I haven't been using some of these outlets, but all feelings seem to be boiling around in my mind and going toward only one direction. It's not that this wasn't true before. Even with all those outlets But making giant me I pun heads out of paper mage right now seems like somewhat of a bad idea. Why? The house is so full of stuff, that I do not want to fill it with more stuff. Sometimes I play piano, (I never really studied it) and I sing. But I realize that a good deal of the songs I like are sas and do not have a positive message. So I'd rather they not be my mantra. I write, because that can easily be stored online. No clutter. But I think I am longing for messy acrylic paint with other people to paint with, or belting it out in Gospel choir. Maybe even with all of this, the very strong feelings will not necessarily disappear, but at least there will be some release. It might also be that I don't have that adrenaline of teaching a Kung Fu class. I try meditating, which calms me down. But I have a hunger for something else. A hunger that makes me feel like I can do anything. The goal is to do the most positive thing I suppose.

Might have to write another novel.

I might have to write another novel.
Or a book of poems.

Something.


One would think that I an busy enough.

That I have enough to do between
Taking care of the kids,
And taking the paralegal course.


Yes I am busy.

 And yes I have been slacking when it comes to Kung Fu and studying.

But if I am not creating and moving
Towards something, the life seems pointless.

I simultaneously want to take a break
 From "everything" (though from what am I taking a break?)

And get wrapped up in
Something.

One could say I just need a job.

And beyond that, a purpose.

Chinese Checkers

Me and the kids have been playing Chinese checkers a lot recently. Mainly the cool thing about it is that it is a three person. game. To be honest I don't even know if we are playing it right. What is funny is that suddenly as Jonah was getting into the game he starts hum whispering to himself a song he made up.

"I have 6..

Baba has two...

He is So oooo stupid.."


So I started cracking up because Jonah totally did not realize that his little song was outside. The whole game fell apart because after that the kids couldn't even keep a straight face or focus on their moves.

I won.


We have been playing other games too. We found a book in the basement of 200 card games... including how to play French Tarot... the game that the fortune telling cards were originally made for.

I totally want to learn how to play Mah Jong because we have four people so why not.

In New Jersey... they actually play Mah Jong at the library.

"Do you have to know how to play already?"
I asked the librarian.

"Hmmmm I think so because there are a group of old ladies and they seem.... serious."


Well I know I will get yelled at... but probably they won't be playing for money at the library right?

Dream Mother

I saw my mother in a dream last night.

I was chasing around a cousin (A Chinese cousin who is not a blood cousin but has the same last name as me) and part of the dream was for some reason I was back in town for Dragon Boat... but there was no Dragon boat to be seen. I searched all night and ran into my cousin and my mother outside Castle Square, near the high rises.

I have seen my mother in dreams before but often I ignore her or she sends me on an errand. In the dream she was not well, but she was taller than me, which hasn't been true since I was 11 or so.

She shook my hand. Again she was weak, and in the process of moving some table with a friend. All of her friends were these young hot women who were then picked up by uglier men who were helpful to my mother in someway, through carpentry.

My mother had her own life going and was happy to see me, but her realm was somewhere in her own apartment.

"I like to be out and about... that's why I haven't been down there yet."

And down there... I take that to be where I am, New Jersey.

It's true, I have yet to see a rabbit here. Plenty of deer... but no rabbits. And not only am I superstitious, but I realize that I am Pagan to the core, if I can believe through a dream that my mother's spirit is something that is in a physical place. And that place is Boston, in the Castle Square projects to be exact... or at least the representations of these places that exist in my mind.


When I say Pagan, I do not mean either that I am not a Christian, or a the same mix of all the other stuff I belief in including atheism.

The atheist account for this dream is that it is all my mind processing events so spirits places and pictures are simply my mind's representation of them.

But in truth, these things have come to be more real to me than my actual surroundings as I adjust to living a life that before, I had only seen on television and movies... especially ones about the 80's.

When you are actually living the American Dream, the one that is presented to you on television....and you had since rejected that idea as illusion, I suppose it becomes difficult to adjust when that illsuion becomes a physical reality.


In any case... I will compensate by doing Kung Fu and making my kids do it against their will. The way I see it, it is better than screen time all day.

Bow to Amah

I guess when I was not here the kids has camp....but now that I am here, they have just been staying at home. I tried to sort of just sit back and let them be because after all, they have spent more than a month without me and have done just fine. But yeste rdsy I just got sick of the tv watching and said "4pm we're doing Kung Fu!"

I realize that in writing that can sound like U am an energetic camp counselor that us great with children. To picture my tone, imagine some f words thrown in there. That's right. More than one.


4 turned into 5 and we went to the deck to do basics. I took off my shirt.


" The neighbors will think we are crazy", complained Amah... until as we began to end a round of basics with the breathing exercise...she saw an opportunity. She has seen us enough times to know that the kids would now bow to their Sifu.. ie me.


"Bow to Amah." She said. And he'll it's her house and yes I knew that she would get into the Kung Fu spirit as long as she got to be a Sifu or perhaps some sort of sorceress on the dark side of the force.

"Bow to  Amah" I said. The children laughed and did as they were told.

See I bet me and Amah could open a school together, once she realizes she could have followers.....

New Jersey

After attending a family reunion in Connecticut, I have finally arrived in New Jersey for real. The family reunion wa la nice. It was interesting to compare it with say a Chinatown Family association, And The banquets that are those reunions.

We took a picture and I put my arm around A man, which Grace thought was funny and awkward. I said I wanted to put it as my profile picture.

Today I followed Amah around learning variois household chores. I think she is stressed out about leaving her routine.

Today I want to do some "work" ie blog posts, some script writing, studying for my paralegal course....


But I also have some things going through my mind that really can only be dealt with through fiction and poetry. It will have to go in Deer Dancer...

Of course today is the day of the eclipse as well, and I should make a contraption with the kids to allow them to see it without going blind.

I am beginning to miss aspects of Boston, that are not part of my past... they are actually new connections I just made.

I was wrong about the march

When I first heard of a counter protest.. a "fight supremacy" I thought that such a thing would only draw more attention and give more if a platform to that hate group. But then I saw some of my friends who I feel connected to not only through ideals, but also yi hei, were going. And I felt that even if it was a bad idea I had to go....

But then there was the added problem of logistics. I was leaving for Connecticut the same day and showing the house to be renters. In the end, I could not go.

Seeing all the pictures on. Twitter of my friends from various groups and seeing that mostly it became a celebration of diversity, showed me I had been wrong. Granted I did not agree with all chants and there was some urine throwing, but this was as small as that hate group.

What happened, is that a despicable ideology made us realize how much we care about each other.


Let me put it this way.

I hear that my grandfather was pretty racist.


But he also fought at the battle of the bulge and was there for the liberation of some of the camps. He gave some food to a starving man, and then saw him die after eating it too fast. That memory does not go away.

He also had a black friend.... but my mother said she had told him when it came down to a black friend choosing between his people and you, he would have to choose his people and that you can't blame him for that. (This was not the 60's this was BEFORE the 60's)

All I'm saying that when kids today just start pointing fingers and saying, "racist" especially the white kids... it's more complicated than that.

My grandfather would spout racist comments and then slowly, as one son married a Jewish woman, and then his daughter married  a Chinese man, and the family started to even look different, well what can you do but go with it?


Boston has a lot of problems with race.

No doubt.

But most people will realize that they love the people of different races. Becasue they in one way or another part of their family. Whether through blood, sports, work, or economy... despite whatever political or cultural difference they may have with someone of another color...  they love each other more than they can tolerate racism.

 Conscious or subconscious bias and prejudice, they will be able to set that aside when it comes down to it. Especially when the alternative is siding with Nazi ideaology.

Now I will say I saw one drawback to the March. DSNI held a multi cultural festival on the same day that had little turn out. In truth, it would have been possible to have both and it would have been nice for Dudley Square to get some of that economic support from the 40k in the march.

But hopefully the general take away is that we will do better in the future.

I had been sad that the day that I left my home city was going to be a day of a demo that was going to be like Charlottesville, a tragedy. But instead u saw a Boston of all colors (on Twitter, on the train) filled with friends of many stripes whi came together to show love.

Boston's Castle

I had always wondered what this castle was for as a child. It is right outside Chinatown near Castle Square... the housing projects where I grew up. On Wikipedia it says it was originally an armory and when it was built, much if the neighborhoods in Boston were not yet filled in with land. Much or Chinatown is in fact land fill which is why you see empty lots on Hudson street where in a prime real estate location. It's not that co dos can't be built there. But it takes money and modern technology of course.

So what is the Castle for. Well this goes to the beginnings of divisions by neighborhoods and immigrant ethnic group. (of course the first culture clash was contact between Europeans and people from here....)

The Castle was built to defend the Yankees in an event of an Irish Immigrant uprising (or so the story goes)

There were enough guns to hold them off (in theory) until troops arrived.

And of course much later the Irish would come to run the city, and now we are in a transition period between the old style of politics by ethnic group, and activism and diversity which changes things (somewhat) and whatever will happen next.

Will we become the integrated melting pot we claim to be and which we are shifting towards? ( or seemed to be)

What will the future of Boston look like and how will we interpret historical sites like this, and the Quincy school or the Chinatown gate?

Which neighborhoods will remain and which will seem unrecognizable?

More on how Chinatown's history fits in to the bug picture later....

Americans are a new and mixed people, not a White People

I have been hearing a lot (or what feels like a lot) of the white supremacist rhetoric from interviews with Vice, Eddie Huang, and Univision.


The argument that White Supremacists have, both the super angry ones and the seemingly more reasonable ones, is that White created the nation and did not do this to hand it over to "others."

Of course the local population would have something to say about that.

But that point can be debated. In the end a colony was started that was under European control.

However, learning more about Cape Verdean history one realized that it was a mixed people, a multi ethnic people that actually helped to found the "New World" and the founders were mixed and multi ethnic before even arriving on the shores of the Americas.

From first contact there on these shores there was of course brutality and pillaging, but there was also mixing.

In fact seeing the "threat: of the mixing of the races is backwards. The lower classes were getting along fine which frightened those in power and there was an active and intended SEPARATION of the races in order to divide and keep people under control.

Look at how organized and angry the white supremacists are. Now in the 60's a lot of these Appalachian patriotic groups were working WITH the black panthers. In a democracy, all you really have to do to take the country over when you are organized like that is vote.


But if you can froth up division and anger and keep communication down so that both sides can never talk to each other or find common ground ever, then you prevent the two sides from possibly even becoming ONE group within a couple of generations.

"Normal" racism can't even be touched now or "liberal" racism because now everything is seen through the lens of neo-nazis.

"White Fragility" is not even going to be talked about and not so racists whites who might take pride in statues are not going to go be racist activists... but they are less likely to help Black lives matter now too.

At the end of a CNN conversation I remember one of the white commentators chiming in, "and its time for white people to help too."

So that you will have scenes like you see on the Vice program where you see two crowds of angry white people chanting at each other "White Lives matter!" and then 'Black Lives Matter!"

Everything that Malcom X ever talked about and complained about when it comes to Civil Rights and the status quo is all coming to light. He was relevant then and relevant now which is why the media shut him down and why people are really so afraid of him and his teachings. His teaching after is Haij were even scarier to people and that got him killed.

Malcom X was able to inspire white people to support him who nowadays would be considered racists. People that would honk at him when stopped at a traffic light and say, "If I was one of you guys I would be fighting too. Keep fighting!" and shout encouragement. That type of off the cuff working class white male today would be shot down in the media as a racist and either lumped in with a Neo Nazi or forced to simply quietly hold his tongue and not support any coming together of the races.

And probably because of that he will stay within his community date within his race and not mix and not associate with people outside of his race when it isn't absolutely necessary and everyone stays divided, docile, if organized against each other only, and know type of progress will come about.


Anyone politically savvy and getting in front of denouncing Nazis and heated rhetoric in areas of the country where most of the population supports this will STAY in power and we will be distracted from what is actually happening to certain neighborhoods. We will be distracted from the history being taught in the schools. We will be distracted from police culture that encourages racism and division. We will be distracted from making our lives better as a ONE group of mixed people. A New and American people. Which is what we, in truth, were at the founding of this country.

What the world needs now....is love sweet love

I just watched Viceland's movie on Charlottesville.
And seeing it like that and hearing people talk about it.. and how much effort went into that event... that's actually the scary part.

These guys really are Nazis.

And they really are organized.


And they are also against big corporations and "the man" because they think the man is not white.


I think we really need to get together and mix like in Cape Verde and the Carioca way in Rio de Janeiro.

 Let's have more fusion and love and celebrating of one another.

In the video too I have to say it but the anti supremacy protesters really did not help the situation.

And sometimes I must say the government CAN refuse to allow certain types of protest and assembly. I mean why be allowed to assemble IN the town.

Let them hold their rally somewhere out in the middle of nowhere.

I mean, it's kind of hard to get a permit to do a lot of different events.

Boston regularly stopped Hip Hop events in the city.

Make their event be indoors or something at a private venue that they have to rent out.

At the same time, if they are not allowed to do their demonstration at all, will they just turn to bombing?

When did they get so strong?

I just did a Wikipedia search of the KKK looking for a period of American history when the Klan was almost completely gone (between the 20's and 60's I think.)

What I found instead that there have been three "Klans" and I think, based on the names of the people who were outed in this protest, that a good number of people marching with the Klan, would have been considered enemies of the Klan in the past.

It is interesting that the leader points to Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, and others who were killed as a point in time that ignited his racist activism. It's bizarre. And I know people that probably agree with this guy on certain points.... but the jump from that to racist activism and investing so much time to fight... the system?

The system that they believe to be against whites?


It should also be noted that there is another jump between marching... and I don't know military conflict within our own country. And that is something that we really don't want.

These groups have always been around of course.

But before they seemed irrelevant.

I mean... technically is Comic Con or something like that way bigger in numbers than this hate group?

And, is this type of demonstration REALLY protected under the First Amendment? I mean isn't it inciting violence? And again, if it is possible to stop events like UFC or a Hip Hop event, or to block a Casino from being built or a strip joint.... isn't possible to find a more appropriate place for this type of demonstration and have the place be rented out for an exorbitant amount of money?


Are you allowed to do a pro ISIS march?

Something needs to be done about it. And I think a message of love and mixing of cultures is the answer. Promoting the benefits of a culture that takes the good of all....