Hide a knife behind a smile[edit] (笑裏藏刀／笑里藏刀, Xiào lǐ cáng dāo) Charm and ingratiate yourself with your enemy. When you have gained his trust, move against him in secret.

I see people do this all the time. And even more often then this you see people calling out people for doing this on Facebook.


I say if you can actually manage to ingratiate yourself with enemies... hell why not actually make them friends and do the whole love your enemies bit.

I would say do away with the knife completely... but at least know that others are moving against you. Defend yourself....protect yourself... I don't I guess.


I was actually thinking about knives and "protecting yourself" the other day when I heard there was a stabbing in Boston's Chinatown. The thought was this.

If you stab someone to protect yourself with a blunt object, you will probably deter them just as much. It's just that you are less likely to kill them. Where as a knife raises the possibility of killing them. Not saying a dull knife like this can't kill someone too it's just that you are less likely to.

Personal:


The other day I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and somehow between doing that and coming back I forgot that I know longer sleep on a bed on the floor (which is really meant for Jonah and sort of misjudged distance in the dark. I thought it was pretty funny.

Since then Noah has joined me on the floor preferring that to his own bed, and I think we are going to be getting rid of some of the furniture including some of the beds.


Now We won't redo the whole house with Tatami mats... but I really do like that Japanese style of no furniture... especially when I got the opportunity to visit the Royal Palace (Kyoto right? So embarrassing I forget, and a lot of Japanese Citizens are kind of pissed that it's only tourists that get to visit) But anyway, it's not less luxurious to sleep on the floor or not have any furniture. I like how there is just more space. And it's not even like this house is small. But more space is just nicer to me. I like that spartan feel. And you can arrange a few things around that are manageable. Well we aren't any where near that yet, but that's what I'm going for.

How is life?

Well someone mentioned that from the way I talk, they would guess that I am loneley and bored.

It is true.


But to be honest, I am beginning to feel it is not where I am geographically. It is just where I am emotionally. I won't lie. I am struggling. And there seems to be no reason to.

It is difficult to be cut off from everything.

"You have your kids, you have your family.." people could say.

Yes.

 I do.

And now I even have a job so there is some social interaction there. But I realize that say when I had a customer service job in Chinatown, it was cool to see all these people you know all at once every day. At work!

And then you go hang out and see even more people.

And in  a way I even felt loneley then.


Always in my life I have always been yearning for something or someone or some change or some experience. And I think most people are like this.



It's just that I seem to be particularly distraught recently because I guess when you are little you believe, when I grow up I will have this, and then when you are a young adult you have all this potential and dreams. Now I am not middle aged or old. But I sort of see a sea of suburban comfortable mediocrity out into the horizon. And it is exactly what I wished for as a child. That rock hard stability.

Maybe it is all just that or maybe I just need to make more friends. Maybe I am just projecting.

But I just felt like before I was able to fill the void with distractions, and now I long for some of those distractions which felt like real connections and mild adventures.

I knew and worked with other creative people and talked with people everyday before at the playground, at a restaurant, at the park.

I even feel like maybe if this house had more people, that it would be more fun.

My kids don't seem to mind at all somehow. They are adequately distracted by each other, either fighting or playing.

You know what is strange, my surrounding remind me so much of my childhood. Of the Philadelphia house and simultaneously of the apartment I grew up in with my father and mother there and so I am having constant flashbacks.


And I guess I am getting caught in fantasy thinking about what could be or what was or how my father must have felt to be here in this country, not speaking English, but still having lots of friends.... and how gambling is actually a better hobby than just sitting here alone, even if you might lose money.


But also thinking about what really makes my blood rush, if it is not the roll of the dice, what makes my heart beat faster if it is not the roar of Mah Jong tiles clacking against each other.


And of course I hone in on more recent events.

It is difficult to leave them behind, but perhaps more painful to try to clutch at what isn't there.

I suppose a knife is not the only thing that can be hidden behind a smile.