Aspiration

 I have been watching adventure movies. But instead of watching them by myself i have been watching them with the family. Which means that I am not as drawn into them and so i am thinking my own htoughts during the movie. I realize that as a child you have all these goals and aspirations of adventures and that most of the aspirations are basically to become train robbers or somehting like that. Or perhaps Kings. And isn't it strange that these two things are pretty much considered the same thing? As long as you are the hero of your story. 

In any case, I guess aspiration and view are not that different. Except that view is maybe looking at the situation I am in in the right perspective. So appreciating what I have. Aspiration is looking at what i want to become. In other words, what do I want to do with what I have? And most of what I have is my family and the home that we are living in. And I suppose it is important to realize that this time in my children's childhood is pretty valuable and not to lose it or waste it doing useless things that make no difference because later I cannot get this time back. However, later, I will have plenty of time to do those useless things. (Although I guess I should be careful also not to view anything as useless per se.)

For the past two meals i have returned to my fake Veganism. I say fake because I doubt I can strictly become fully Vegan in my environment. But the goal is to be mostly Vegan. I cooked some vegetables for dinner and for Break fast and lunch I had the same meal of vegtables and beans. The lunch I had rice with it. And bascially I feel as if I have more energy. Almost to the point where it almost feels like a drug. Like a lot of caffeine. Well.... I have had a lot of caffeine and maybe it affects my body differently because I haven't had any meat. That would make sense. 

I guess my aspiration, is that crazy Shaolin, adventure aspiration that i have always had as a child and my goal is to continue it. Continue practicing, and teaching my children, but also in a way that is positive for their chlidhood, and continue teaching classes and what not even though I am not being paid to do so... and to see if a path opens up. I used to wish to have a house and the stability that I have now and I always thought I would teach Kung Fu out of it. Even though technically the only students at the house are my kids... maybe that is not a bad thing at all.  And I have the opportunity or have created the opportunity for anyone to learn at the Murray Hill Chinese School class. And just because not that many people have signed up yet, maybe that is also not bad at all. After all, if I had 200 students who just forgot everything after I taught them... what's the point in that? Well, they still would have an experience and that wouldn't be pointless... but still. Maybe I am right where I need to be, except I need to practice more consistently.. or rather... continue to practice consistently. 

I am also going to try making Tik Tok vidoes with various Kung Fu stuff that just owuldn't work in a live performance. Primarily the double butcher knives idea. Which would be cool to perform... but could also cause problems. But works pretty well for a close up view of a tik tok video. Anyway, i am continuing to work on that. And I plan to read more. And write more, in the way that I am writing now. Writing for the sake of writing to get thoughts out into the world and to practice having thoughts I suppose. 

I used to write a lot. And now, well, I week ago I hardly did. and I believe it affectied my cognition. I want to erad more as well for the same reasons. and Maybe step by step I can crawl back from the fopg that I think I was in. And after I do that, maybe something will come up. Some new opportunity. But first I have to work on myself in the situation that I am in now.