Journaling

Well it has been a while since I wrote like this. A personal post broadcast to the world which very few people will read. It's a nice balance. I started writing with paper and pen again, but that isn't crazy, but seems somewhat reclusive and almost dangerous. Like if I am really able to write 'Whatever I want" and "Whatever I think"... that's dangerous. Weird how I kind of need "the public" which in the internet age is pretty close to my imaginary friend, in order to keep me somewhat balanced. I started writing again like this because I am going to force Noah to Journal at night, much the same way we were told to write during the school day at a summer camp at Red Oak in Boston. The teacher or counselor said that swear words had to be loops or that you could even just loop the whole page if you really didn't want to write anything. I was never at a loss for things to say when it came to words on paper, which is why Noah's difficulty with open response questions is foreign to me. I figure if we do the same exercise and he is able to talk with himself on paper through daily practice, then when he is given some assignment to write for school, he won't be so daunted by it.

But what about ME. Yes, I haven't been writing on the Boston Chinatown Blog at all and have been shirking blogging of any kind as well, because I felt there was nothing to write about... which, to get back tio Noah's assignment... is hypocritical. If I am going to force my son to ramble on the page... then I must ramble on the page as well. and After all, I started the journey to the Chinatown Blog by first writing personal stories about myself.

Although I haven't been doing much work on the blog since I moved to NJ I have been posting stuff to the Facebook page hear and there because its what I see other people doing and because I figure I cannot write in the same capacity, not being in the vicinity of the subject I am writing about.

And for a while, I felt like there was nothing to write about in NJ... or I wanted to save it until something more spectacular happened, and then I didn't want to share for other reasons, I almost said legal but that's not really true, I just began to turn inward, and it wasn't until recently, within the past few weeks in fact, that suddenly a path or purpose in NJ seemed to open up to me that had to do with everything I had been doing in Boston, whether it was the Chinatown Blog, Lion Dance, Community building, and writing.

But I hate to jinx things before they really get started and you will notice that somehow my writing has become less colorful and exciting. I feel it too, like I am going through the motions of a form trying to remember the next move instead of the moves flowing from me. And I hate that. But it is just one step in the process of allowing my thoughts to flow onto the page. And it isn't strange because I feel as if I were not writing these words, I would not be having these thoughts. That the stream of conscious exercise of typing and forming thoughts into words is a way of digging through my mind and organizing it. Now as my children come and talking to me I realize why I had stopped doing this exercise.... but I will try and continue you it, for a few minutes every night... starting on....Monday night for various reasons.