Truly "walking away"

There is a Zen story about two monks seeing a beautiful woman drowning. One monk jumps in and saves her carrying her to safety. Much later on in the day the other monk keeps talking about how the first monk should confess to their Sifu later because he touched the beautiful woman's flesh... which is against their vows, even if he did do it to save her life.

"Are you still holding onto her?" said the first monk, "I put her down hours ago."

Today I had an experience that involved a street looking "druggy type" male instead of a beautiful woman. It doesn't matter much but the guy was white.

I was filming and he said something rather loud. I thought he was harassing the woman who had just passed by. It doesn't matter much but she was black and probably in her 40's.

I turned around because although I didn't know the woman well, I wanted to make sure she was okay. Not just in terms of safety. But just that she would not be in a difficult situation alone.

I'm actually not sure if he was harassing her or not. But when I turned around, he started harassing me.

"Yo you got a problem N*gga?"

Again, I know white people talk like this too. But it doesn't make it not annoying.

Now... here is the problem. I did not punch him in the jaw... I actually at that moment, did not want to do that. Well maybe part of me did. But the things holding me back are not

1) morals

Another person who knocked him out should be applauded by me. I guess I just don't have the guts

2) the law

I'm pretty sure that even if police were to witness me punching this individual somehow he would be the one that would get arrested. It is just a hunch, but I am 90% sure. I doubt he would stay around if police showed up.

3) safety

Now, I can reasonably say that I would not want to fight this individual in a fair fight. Although I bet on myself. I just don't think it would be worth it. However I was not planning on fighting him. Of course you never know how a situation is going to turn out but what I would have done, if I were a brazen ballsy individual, would have been to punch while he was finishing his sentence.

If he was not knocked out by this I suppose if I were this hypothetical brazen individual (that again I am not) I would continue to hit him. If we went to the ground... (here my morals might stop me from kicking him while on the ground. But then if I were that brazen perhaps I would not have those morals.)

I do not believe he had a gun. He may have had a knife but it was not out and he was wearing a back pack. Basically I think I could have gotten away with throwing a few blows at him even if they were weak and did not knock him out managed to disengage and run away. Of course that would have been an unnecessary risk.


At the time I was not angry.

I was annoyed and confused by his strange behavior.

"Yo you lookin at me like you got a problem bro." he said

Now some people would have taken the camera and filmed him. I didn't do this because I was still trying to save the shot. But I did just listen to the audio again. I did not keep it in the video because my adrenaline filled voice sounds shakier and more afraid that I would have liked to remember.

(Maybe I will post that clip up anyway. But having to hear it again just made me angrier.)

"I heard you.. so I turned around" I think I say this twice and then say "Okay?"

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not begging for my life. I am still ready to throw the shot to his chin. But he walks away... and I guess I have been trained to do this... to walk away.

When I was younger I would walk away throwing F bombs at him perhaps.

But as I finish my little filming I wonder whether I did the right thing. I mean I am not doing society a favor by not hitting him. I almost feel like, perhaps it was my duty to beat the shit out of him and I was simply too afraid to do it. In other words. I may have physically walked away, but mentally I did not.

I was the second monk.


The monk of inaction.

I wonder what many of my friends would have done. I think a few of them would have knocked him out. The older ones.

And I realize that as I get older and have to put up with children yelling at me all day... and I also realize that this fellow may have even been younger than me... that I will actually be MORE likely to do something as I get older and weaker, not the other way around.

I suddenly understand why old men shoot teens. Because F this guy, seriously. He may have been as old as me, but whatever. I'm not disrespecting him. Who the hell is he to disrespect me in Chinatown when he is not Chinese.


Not to say that rationally deadly force would be the right course of action. I'm just saying that I understand the sentiment.

Perhaps it would be better to punch him, without getting mad, rather than to get mad and not punch him.


Though ultimately all he used was words and I should have just been more firm in my words. I am not saying That I should have used foul or vulgar language, but maybe I should have said,

"Actually I thought you were harassing that woman. Also, I think you are speaking to me very disrespectfully right now and that's unwarranted."

Now you could say, "that will just get him angrier and he will try to hit you."

Excellent! Then whatever I did in return would be in self defense. Of course if he shot or stabbed me I would be in trouble, but again, I did not have the sense that this would be the situation. Even if he did have a knife I don't think he would have used it initially.

Of course I could be wrong.

Basically, if you are going to walk away. It's important to mentally walk away as well, which is sometimes difficult if you don't feel that you have said your piece, either with words or fists.

And although I have always physically walked away, a) I'm not sure this is always the best course of action and b) to walk away physically and not mentally can be just as damaging to your health long term because of dwelling on negativity.