Wretching and removed, and yet a perfect paradise.

I have been walking more or less every morning. This morning I was wretching like an old man because I am allergic to the pollen. It would probably have been worse if i was running. Maybe its the tea I drank too. But when I don't drink tea, I am in a haze of sorts...
I power walk like I see the old people do around here, because if I was running every morning, it hurts my joints and I am more likely to just not do it and I am all out of whack for the rest of the day.
I noticed that walking while you are half asleep, or not fully awake, is awesome. It's like a meditation but its not as involved almost. Why is that? I allowed memories of Tony to come flowing back and I realized that I am going to miss his essence. His childishness and craziness. Even my kids are not like that. It could sometimes be too much but to know that that spirit of chaotic playfulness was always there somewhere.

When you get hurt physically, a coach will tell you to walk it off. Maybe the same is true with emotional pain. Nobody says to run it off.... although this can probably help too.

I do this thing where if I have the time, after the walk, I take a cold shower and then do basics to dry off. I didn't have time to do that today. Instead I chose meditation.

 Sitting meditation.

I remember at the old Kung Fu school, the one in Tai Tung Village (for those who don't know, Tai Tung Village is actually a housing project in Chinatown owned by the CCBA. Not a magical Village in China...though maybe I should tell stories of it and make it out to be so) people, old students would stop in and chat... but I remember some of the Si Hing's would even sit down and meditate for a while. For those who know this crew they would laugh and think i was talking about a completely different group of people or perhaps making it up. I mean someone like Tony, yes he would sit and meditate and sometimes I noticed he was too chaotic to meditate and say maybe he shouldn't at that moment right there, and that that was ok. You didn't have to force it. and after trying... he would then realize this was true and do some other meditative activity that wasn't sitting meditation.

No the image in my mind was of a Si Hing who you would be surprise meditated. He drove a nice car, had business, and was always busy. But he stopped by, in work clothes and just sat down and meditated withe everyone. It just so happened that we were in the part of class where people were meditating. After we moved on to stretching he got up said by to Sifu and left. Sifu acknowledged him and the meditation, something like ,"yes meditating it clears you out good."

Now as I write this it sounds like some orientalist mystical thing with Karate Kid music playing in the back and real dramatic. But i don't know how to convey it other than to say this was really normal. The acknowledgment of Sifu wasn't deep bowing like they would do in a contrived movie scene. It was much more down to earth, a nod to an Uncle while throwing your car keys up and catching them and then saying, "Jow le Sifu!."

Part of the school being a space in the middle of the city like that was its location. Even the newer location was not the same. And my home, where I sat and meditated before work in work clothes, is not the same. I am literally on a mountain, so in some ways it is perfect. It is a retreat. But in terms of providing a space for others.... it is too removed. 


Yes I could make videos and people could watch at home....Or people could simply practice at home on their own. But there was something about that school in the midst of everything. It was so difficult to maintain. You had to defend it with money and with physical force sometimes. But maybe there was something about that that is worth it about it. It appears to not be providing a service to many.. .and yet thinking back, it was providing a service to the whole community, more than just the students.